⧭⧭Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals⬊⬊Except the weasels.
⧭Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
⧭I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
⧬⧬⧬The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
⧭⧭Never run away when you see a bear, unless you know you can beat some of the other runners.
⬋Why was the rabbit chasing the frog? Because the frog kept calling out "riaabit.. riabbit
⧭⧭To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree ⬉⬉top.
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
⧭⧭What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna pee on myself⬋⬋⬋
⧭Why don't snails run? Because their eyes go wobbly.
⧭I don't care when people honk at me, but when geese do, I get out of the way! -
⧭Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?
⧭If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. -
⧭Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog. -
⬉⬉Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.
⧭⧭If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
⧬⧭The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following. -
⧭⧭Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.
⧭⧭God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.
⧭⧭I caught the worm thief - it was a fish.
⬊⬊At the zoo, all the animals have a decent composure, except for the monkeys. You get the feeling man is very close⬊⬊ to them.
⧬If you live in a school, then you're probably a fish.
⧭⧭The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
⧭⧭A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?'
⧬⧬What does a blonde have to do after using the computer? Put the mouse back in the cage.
⧭⧭If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge
⬊⬊You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich. -
⧭⧭What's the difference between a cat and a flea? Cats can have fleas, but fleas can't have cats. -
⧭⧭How do you stop a cat from scratching your furniture? Give her scratch and win lotto tickets. -
⧭⧭A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers⬊⬊a lioness.
⧭What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!"
⧭If you're a fish swimming against the current, you will soon be electrocuted. -
⧬Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.
⧭Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!
⧭⧭You can teach a cat to do anything that it wants to do.
⧭⧭The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.
⧭⧭What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please ⧭⧭contact the zoo.
⧭⧭When we go to seafood restaurants I tell them 'Just water for me, thanks.
⬊⬊Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better!
⬊⬊A good dog is a bad dog.
The best way to show a giraffe your love is to knit a scarf for it.
⬊⬊If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
⬊⬊Behold the flying elephant, one day it flies and one day it doesn't... today it doesn't.
⬊⬊There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.
⬊⬊A horse is dangerous at both ends, and uncomfortable in the middle.
⬊⬊I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives⬊⬊⬊
⬊⬊To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service. -
⬉⬉Sharks are not so bad⬊⬊⬊If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too.
I took my dog to the fire hydrant factory. They never saw so much excitement every time a hydrant came off the assembly line.
⬊⬊In spring birds return from their tropical vacation. Six months later they regret their decision and go back.
Being a beaver is nice, if you're hungry you just eat a piece of your home.
⬋⬋Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
⬊⬊Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. "Yeah. So is a grenade.
Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.
⧭I love you so much I'd fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu... But a care bear, I'd definitely fight a care bear for you⬋⬋⬋
⧭Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot.
⧭Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
⧭I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
⧬⧬⧬The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
⧭⧭Never run away when you see a bear, unless you know you can beat some of the other runners.
⬋Why was the rabbit chasing the frog? Because the frog kept calling out "riaabit.. riabbit
⧭⧭To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree ⬉⬉top.
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
⧭⧭What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna pee on myself⬋⬋⬋
⧭Why don't snails run? Because their eyes go wobbly.
⧭I don't care when people honk at me, but when geese do, I get out of the way! -
⧭Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?
⧭If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. -
⧭Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog. -
⬉⬉Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.
⧭⧭If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
⧬⧭The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following. -
⧭⧭Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.
⧭⧭God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.
⧭⧭I caught the worm thief - it was a fish.
⬊⬊At the zoo, all the animals have a decent composure, except for the monkeys. You get the feeling man is very close⬊⬊ to them.
⧬If you live in a school, then you're probably a fish.
⧭⧭The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
⧭⧭A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?'
⧬⧬What does a blonde have to do after using the computer? Put the mouse back in the cage.
⧭⧭If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge
⬊⬊You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich. -
⧭⧭What's the difference between a cat and a flea? Cats can have fleas, but fleas can't have cats. -
⧭⧭How do you stop a cat from scratching your furniture? Give her scratch and win lotto tickets. -
⧭⧭A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers⬊⬊a lioness.
⧭What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!"
⧭If you're a fish swimming against the current, you will soon be electrocuted. -
⧬Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.
⧭Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!
⧭⧭You can teach a cat to do anything that it wants to do.
⧭⧭The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.
⧭⧭What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please ⧭⧭contact the zoo.
⧭⧭When we go to seafood restaurants I tell them 'Just water for me, thanks.
⬊⬊Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better!
⬊⬊A good dog is a bad dog.
The best way to show a giraffe your love is to knit a scarf for it.
⬊⬊If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
⬊⬊Behold the flying elephant, one day it flies and one day it doesn't... today it doesn't.
⬊⬊There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.
⬊⬊A horse is dangerous at both ends, and uncomfortable in the middle.
⬊⬊I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives⬊⬊⬊
⬊⬊To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service. -
⬉⬉Sharks are not so bad⬊⬊⬊If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too.
I took my dog to the fire hydrant factory. They never saw so much excitement every time a hydrant came off the assembly line.
⬊⬊In spring birds return from their tropical vacation. Six months later they regret their decision and go back.
Being a beaver is nice, if you're hungry you just eat a piece of your home.
⬋⬋Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
⬊⬊Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. "Yeah. So is a grenade.
Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.
⧭I love you so much I'd fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu... But a care bear, I'd definitely fight a care bear for you⬋⬋⬋
⧭Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot.
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