➲➲There are no stupid questions, just stupid people➠➠➠
➨➨To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.
You laugh because I'm different.. I laugh cause I just farted
➺➺When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
➤➤The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well. -
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
What you call dog with no legs?Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
➹➹Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. -
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. -
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
The road to success is always under construction.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
He who laughs last didn't get it.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
➹➹➹Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
➹➹It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
➤➤The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
➤➤How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular
➽➽He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
➽➽Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings➤➤
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
➦➦I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar➽➽
➤➤The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. -
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
Never run away when you see a bear, unless you know you can beat some of the other runners.
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
I called the restaurant and I asked them if they take orders, when they said they do, I told them 'run outside naked!'
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
➤➤When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid➺➺ people.
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!
➧➧Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
➤➤What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna pee on myself➼➼➼
➤➤To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree top➨➨
➨➨To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.
You laugh because I'm different.. I laugh cause I just farted
➺➺When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
➤➤The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well. -
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
What you call dog with no legs?Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
➹➹Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. -
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. -
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
The road to success is always under construction.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
He who laughs last didn't get it.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
➹➹➹Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
➹➹It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
➤➤The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
➤➤How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular
➽➽He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
➽➽Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings➤➤
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
➦➦I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar➽➽
➤➤The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. -
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
Never run away when you see a bear, unless you know you can beat some of the other runners.
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
I called the restaurant and I asked them if they take orders, when they said they do, I told them 'run outside naked!'
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
➤➤When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid➺➺ people.
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!
➧➧Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
➤➤What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna pee on myself➼➼➼
➤➤To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree top➨➨
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