The idea of cashless economy is brilliant, but the idea of cashless banks and cashless ATMs is simply mind numbing!
NEWS AND POLITICS
A brilliant thought:
If banks charge us for insufficient funds why don't we charge them for insufficient cash?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Finance Minister says people's problems are only for one or two quarters.
Actually he is right because after one or two quarters usually people forget all their problems!
NEWS AND POLITICS
A new survey by Modi Government:
How much satisfied you are with demonetisation?
A) 100%
B) A
C) B
D) C
NEWS AND POLITICS
Next up National Anthem to be played in ATM queues to instill patriotism amongst disgruntled citizens!
NEWS AND POLITICS
ATM Machines are the first ones to support Narendra Modi's Vision of Cash-Less Economy!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Guys, please pray for me. I will be going to the hospital tomorrow morning. I think I have a problem with my eyes. Every time I look into my wallet, I see nothing.
Doctor says it's 'Modi-Bindu'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Achhe Din Aane Wale Hain:
Now Govt. is going to take away all your 'Unregistered Properties' back.
Have you registered your 'Marriage'?
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
We have our own financial calendar now, starting 9th November 2016.
BC - Before Currency
AD - After Demonetisation
NEWS AND POLITICS
Reporter: Sir, what's your opinion on demonetisation?
Lalu Prasad Yadav: Mushkil Se Intolerance Bolna Seekha Tha... Ab Sasura Yeh Bhi Seekhna Padega!
Meanwhile, Bill Gates is confident that even with white money, Indians will buy pirated Windows!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Fidel Castro: I will not die till America is destroyed.
America elects Trump as President.
Castro: Well, then...!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Two pieces of unconnected news:
Saturday was exclusively reserved for Senior Citizens at the banks.
Air India canceled several of its flights on Saturday as most of their cabin crew had applied for leave!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The statement that increases an Indian Man's heartbeat & brings about fear "Aaji Sunte Ho!" is now in the 2nd spot.
"Mere Pyaare Deshwasiyon" has now taken over the 1st place!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
If things will continue like this the government would have to introduce UDHAR card!
NEWS AND POLITICS
As a responsible citizen, during heavy traffic, please immediately give way when you see a...
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ATM Cash Van!
NEWS AND POLITICS
DeMonetisation reminds me of the Sheep who cheered when their leader promised them a blanket each.
Till one sheep asked where will the wool come from?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Heard in a bank:
"Sir, can I wash this ink mark with water?"
"No"
"What if I use soap?"
"No"
"Shampoo?"
"Never"
"How long will it last?"
"Almost a year."
"Then please apply some in my hair. I am tired of these ordinary dyes"
NEWS AND POLITICS
Donald Trump has decided that he won't take the Presidential salary.
This man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Gandhari: I sent my 100 sons to stand in ATM queue and got 250,000 based on per person limit.
Kunti: That's nothing, with my Pandavas, I withdrew Rs 12.5 lakh for Draupadi's wedding based on Rs 2.5 lakh per wedding limit!
My wife complained that we don't spend enough time together.
Taking her to the ATM tonight!
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
Punjabis to PM Modi:
Either tell liquor shops to accept old notes or ask banks to sell liquor.
We can't stand in two lines in a single day!
NEWS AND POLITICS
BJP leader Reddy spent 500 crores on his daughter's wedding and BJP wants others to do their daughters' wedding within 2.5 lakh!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Do you know why India's Test captain Virat Kohli impressed by the government's move on DeMonetisation?
Because it is a PayTM series!
NEWS AND POLITICS
This weekend picnic spots:
SBI
HDFC
ICICI
PNB
IDBI
AXIS
DENA
YES BANK
NEWS AND POLITICS
Donald Trump truly made history...
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He won an argument against a woman!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
A recently fired stock trader said...
"This is worse than a divorce, I have lost everything and I still have my wife!"
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
Donald Trump is next President but the biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Saala Aaj-Kal Aisa Lag Raha Hai Ki Jaise Indian Currency Le Ke Main Foreign Mein Ghoom Raha Hun!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Two days America will never forget - 9/11 and 11/9.
First one they were bombed and the second on they bombed themselves!
A great idea by a husband. He asks his CA.
I have deposited Rupees 5 lakhs in my wife's account. Are you sure IT people will arrest my wife or should I deposit more?
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
A new doubt of Commerce Students:
Should we show *Cash In Hand* on the assets or liability side?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Cash deposits of up to 2.5 lakhs made by dear housewives, won't invite IT attention...
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it's a great opportunity to declare undeclared wives!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Friends meeting after years.
1st Friend: How are you? How are the children? Where are they?
2nd Friend: Eldest son in SBI, his wife in ICICI. The second son in HDFC, his wife in Canara Bank. Youngest daughter, not married, in Axis Bank.
1st Friend: So all well settled in Bank jobs?
2nd Friend: No, they are all standing in the queues there!
NEWS AND POLITICS
According to latest RBI notification, the full form of ATM has been temporarily changed to...
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Aayega To Milega!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
You can deposit your 500 & 1000 notes even after 31 December.
Two banks in Delhi have been specially assigned the task of accepting your notes for as long as it is needed. The two banks are:
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Both the banks of the Yamuna!
NEWS AND POLITICS
2000/- Rs.note are pink in colour. They are girly notes, won't look good in men's hands.
So all of you guys please handover the money to your wife and use blue colour 100 Rs. notes!
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
Today's breaking news from Mumbai dance bars.
The girls are throwing money on customers!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
Whenever you're talking to someone who is really attractive, the odds of you doing something stupid are multiplied by 100!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The actual reason for currency change:
Mahatma Gandi had come into Modi's dream yesterday and said, "Modi Beta Bahut Din Se Maine DP Change Nahi Ki Hai
Boy: Mom Dopehar Aur Raat Ka Tiffin Pack Kar Ke De Do.
Mom: Kaha Ja Raha Hai?
Boy: Bank Ja Raha Hun Note Badalne!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
What will be the first thing Trump will do as President?
Going to kick a black man out of his house!
NEWS AND POLITICS
With ₹1000 & ₹500 notes going out of circulation, kids in India are sad because now relatives will give them less money when they visit!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Abhi ₹1000 Ke Notes Se Petrol Bharaya, Aisa Lag Raha Hai Ki Maano Laash Thikane Laga Di Ho!
NEWS AND POLITICS
When Barack Obama was elected as the US President he was the First Black President.
This time it will be First Blank President!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Isliye Bola Tha Chai Wale Ko PM Mat Banao, 5, 10 Rs. Ke Note Ke Alawa Aur Kuch Samjh Nahi Aata Usko!
~ Rahul Gandhi
NEWS AND POLITICS
A leave application:
Dear Sir,
I have one 500 Rs. note with me, and no bus or auto fellow is accepting it & also it's a bank holiday.
So taking leave till further arrangement!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Samsung isn't the only one recalling Notes this year!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Americans counting votes,
Indians counting notes!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Jayalalithaa has decided to stay in the hospital till 31 Mar 2017, since old currency is acceptable in the hospitals!
Penguins have taken Internet by storm. Humans should catch up; the day is not far away when they take real world too by storm!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After Samsung phones, now Samsung washing machines are exploding.
Samsung is now the third biggest nuclear power after US and Russia!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Cutting down on Rajma Chawal and Mooli Ke Paranthe might bring down air pollution by 50 percent in Delhi!
NEWS AND POLITICS
People asked for a noise free Diwali and Arnab Goswami resigned!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Sidhu Da Scooter Ajj Rahul Gandhi De Ghar De Bahar Dekhya Geya Par Stand Hale V Nahi Lageya Hoya Si!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Everyone accused Arnab Goswami of being a 'Right' winger.
That's why he 'Left'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dear friends,
I would like to take this opportunity to categorically state that the reports appearing in large parts of the media- both print and electronic - to the effect that my name has been shortlisted by the selection board to succeed Cyrus Misty as the chairman of Tata Sons are unfounded, motivated and spread by my business rivals in order to cause panic, both locally and globally. It's a fact, though, that Ratan Tata did call me a couple of times in recent times; but we never discussed the issue of succession. All that we talked about was whether my Tata Sky connection was working properly now.
NEWS AND POLITICS
The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would "hate" to have to make a living under the laws they have passed!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Yesterday at the airport, two Chinese girls & an Indian girl were sitting opposite me.
But I was looking at the Indian girl only.
Boycott means Boycott!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Hope the Chinese do not get to know about our plans to boycott Chinese products.
If they do, they'd mass-produce stickers saying "Boycott Chinese Products" and sell those stickers in India!
Last year on Diwali, Prem was back in Prem Ratan Dhan Payo.
This Diwali, Ratan is back in Tata.
Hopefully next year, Dhan will be back!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ratan Tata returns as the chairman of Tata Group. We should rename Ratan Tata as Return Aata!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The news is that Patanjali will soon enter into the textile business.
These clothes will automatically get folded before you put them in your cupboard!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Did Cyrus say Tata to Tata Sons on his own or was he made to?
That's the Mistry!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Shortest Termination Letter:
October 24, 2016
To,
Mr. Cyrus Mistry
Mumbai
Dear Cyrus,
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TATA!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Trending Tweet:
Kitnae Bhi Badae Aadmi Ban Jao, Job Security Bas Govt. Job Mein Hi Milti Hai!
#Cyrus Mistry
NEWS AND POLITICS
This Diwali, I swear I will not eat Mysore Pak, unless it's re-named Mysore India!
NEWS AND POLITICS
And now Raj Thackeray is wondering which word was it that Fadnavis and the media did not understand.
He thinks he made it very clear that Rs 5 crore was to be paid to the 'SENA'.
So, what is this talk of donating the amount to the Armed Forces Welfare Fund?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Somewhere in Tamil Nadu
Teacher: Why were you absent for 3 days?
Student: Lakshmi died.
Teacher: Who Lakshmi?
Student: My Appa's wife.
Teacher: Why don't you say your Amma died.
Student: If I say Amma died, police will arrest me!
NEWS AND POLITICS
To counter BRICS, Pakistan aligns with Rwanda, Iraq, Congo, Kazakhstan, and Somalia.
They are calling themselves PRICKS!
Earlier, Pierce Brosnan would wait for MI6 orders to go on a mission.
Now he just takes 'Supaaris'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The biggest contribution of Rahul Gandhi to India's progress is that he is unmarried and hasn't produced any more Gandhi!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Pierce Brosnan: Ek Paan Bahar Dena.
Paan Wala: Yeh Lo.
Pierce Brosnan Gives 5 Rs.
Paanwala: Sahab 7.50 Rs. Ka Hai.
Pierce Brosnan: Dhai Another Day!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Men enter politics solely as a result of being unhappily married!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Pakistan Mein Doosra Sabse Zyada Bola Jaane Wala Angrezi Shabd: "Surgical Strike".
Pehla Abhi Bhi Wahi Hai: "Our Boys Played Well"!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
So sad that because of 95% of terrorists, 5% innocent Pakistanis are blamed!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Meanwhile, China has renamed the Indian surgical strike as...
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SUDDEN LEE!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Narendra Modi just extended the Swachcha Bharat Abhiyaan across the border!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Pakistan Stock Exchange is Trading higher, because of the possible merger with Bombay Stock Exchange post-war!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Pakistan files a case in International Court of Justice against Surgical Strikes by India.
Issues raised:
1. Consent for surgery not taken.
2. Counseling about surgery not provided.
3. Anesthesia not given before surgery.
4. Post-Surgical care not provided.
5. Surgeons strike is un-constitutional.
6. Mediclaim refused by the USA.
Dear Pakistani terrorists,
You don't need to cross LOC for getting killed. Army has started home delivery.
Special festive season offer!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Hearing about the surgical strike on Border, Rahul Gandhi said he will support all the surgeons who went on strike!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Now doctors go on strike protesting against the Indian army's entry into the medical profession (surgical strikes)!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Google just turned 18, I've been asking some very inappropriate questions to someone underage for quite awhile!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
Aaj-Kal Poori Delhi Mein "MCD" Ka Raaz Hai.
M = Malaria
C = Chikungunya
D = Dengue
NEWS AND POLITICS
Booking starts for residential plots @Rs.100/- per square feet.
Location: Gandhi Nagar, Lahore, Shastri Park Islamabad and Tilak Marg Rawalpindi.
Booking Open, Possession after the war!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
JOB in Airtel:
Send your resume to careers@airtel.in
Last Date: 30th Dec 2016
Location: Mumbai
Salary: 95,000/- per month
Job Description: To sit on Airtel tower & stop JIO signals!
NEWS AND POLITICS
While Patanjali continues to grow stronger by the day... Pitt-Angelie have collapsed and decided to part ways!
NEWS AND POLITICS
One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Samsung users are going to be like, "Samsung has had this feature for years"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
May your day be just a little bit brighter knowing that even Brad Pitt can get dumped!
May your day be just a little bit brighter knowing that even Brad Pitt can get dumped!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
Brad Pitt cheated on Angelina Jolie. If someone that gorgeous can get cheated on, no one is safe!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After hearing of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's imminent divorce, Baba Ramdev's Patanjali is introducing a new anti-divorce herbal medicine.
He's calling it Pitt-Angeli!
NEWS AND POLITICS
A good tweet worth a thousand words:
They killed my men again. I scared them with my tweets again. #UriAttack
Welcome to #India, the Talking Nation.
For Action, we watch movies!
NEWS AND POLITICS
A high-level meeting in Delhi just concluded.
Tasking has already been done, all the terrorist camps in Pakistan will be targeted simultaneously along with the destruction of nuclear sites. Rahil Sharif and Nawaz Sharif will be abducted in the upcoming movie of Kabeer Khan!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking news:
After Railways' Surge Pricing, Sulabh Shauchalay follows suit!
Introduces more charge for emergency... it will be called 'Urge Pricing'!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
Once Water asked Alcohol, "Why do people love you more than me?"
Alcohol said,"Because, you divide people, I unite them!"
NEWS AND POLITICS / ALCOHOL
Kapil Sharma pays Rs 15 cr tax. And bribes merely 5 lakh! Bahut Na-Insaafi Hai!
Even beggars in India make more than this per day!
He's short changing. Kanjoos. He should be fined a crore and a half. He has dared shame National Bribe Index!
Nautanki Kahin Ka!
NEWS AND POLITICS
IPhone 7 is being launched on September 7. Now I'll finally be able to afford an IPhone.
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IPhone 5!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
Reliance: Jio!
Rest of the Operators: Jeene Do!
After Jio, Next, Ambani will be getting into alcohol business calling it Reliance Pio... where alcohol will be free... only snacks will be charged!
NEWS AND POLITICS / ALCOHOL / FUNNY
@@@If you lie to the government, it's### felony. But if they lie to you, it's politics!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Overnight all Gurgaon property prices increase by 20 percent.
All properties now have a lake view!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Hrithik To Preity Zinta: Socho Ki ###Jheelo Ka Shehar Ho, ####Lehron Mein Apna Ek Ghar Ho...
Preity : Oh you mean, you want a house in Gurugram!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Customer: One regular thin crust ###vegetable pizza.
Executive: May I know your address?
Customer: 124th car on the exit 8, Delhi-Gurgaon road!
NEWS### AND POLITICS
Gurugram's ###chowks should be### renamed and called chokes now.
Examples: Signature Tower Choke,
Hero Honda Choke,
Iffco Choke,
Kataria Choke,
Badshahpur Choke,
Rajiv Choke,
Gurugram Renamed As Gurujam
NEWS AND POLITICS
Sidhu resigned### from Rajya Sabha, to join AAP.
Another example of a person quitting a full-time job and joining Startup!
NEWS AND POLITICS
BREXIT in JUNE helped MAY ###to become the Prime Minister in JULY in the AUGUST presence of the Queen!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Stress Buster on Smriti Irani's exit from the HRD Ministry...
Aaj Phir Ek Beti Ke Haath Se ###Kitaab Chheen Kar Silai Machine Thama Di Gayi Hai!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The United States and Britain are having a competition on who can f**k themselves up the most.
Britain is in the lead, but ###America has a Trump Card
Breaking News: Heads begin to roll in the BJP. Modi is dropping
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his tailor!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dilliwallahs are so ignorant. "Puran Bahumat" is 36/70 seats, not 70/70!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Changing Times:
Now all BJP MLAs can now fit in an Innova!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Delhi Elections:
Earlier Congress 8. By this trend, next time BJP will get 0 seats!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After scoring 49 in the first innings, AAP has been asked to follow-on. Good match!
NEWS AND POLITICS
BJP should begin preparations for Kiran Bedi's "Ghar Wapsi" and send her home!
NEWS AND POLITICS
As an Indian citizen it is our duty while following "Clean India" campaign, not to throw garbage in the Assembly.
Vote Sensibly!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Arnab Goswami's son is reported to have tattooed on his arm:
"Mera Baap Shor Hai"!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left - instead of right or wrong!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Obama cancels the visit to Taj Mahal to attend Saudi King Abdullah's funeral.
King Abdullah was a bigger monument of Love as he had 22 beautiful wives!
Modi starts his 9th month, expected to deliver very soon!
NEWS AND POLITICS
BJP launched Kiran Bedi (KB) as Delhi CM candidate.
RAHUL GANDHI is thinking of bringing in Mandira Bedi (MB) as Delhi CM.
LOGIC
1 MB = 1024 KB
NEWS AND POLITICS
At least, the Tigers have followed Sakshi Maharaj's advice and produced four kids per family hence leading to a huge increase in Tiger Population!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Modi should send Sakshi Maharaj home. That would fulfill not only the 'Ghar Wapsi' campaign but also the 'Clean India' campaign!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Forget Delhi Police and the CBI. The only ones who can solve the Sunanda Pushkar murder are Subramanian Swamy and Times Now.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Every Hindu woman must produce 4 children.
~ Sakshi Maharaj
Ab Bachhe Din Aane Waale Hain!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY / HINGLISH
Why Punjabis can't have > 2 kids:
1. New car every 3 years
2. Vacation every 3 months
3. New ladies suit every 3 weeks
4. Same old Wife for life!
NEWS AND POLITICS / PINGLISH / FUNNY
Amit Shah gets clean chit:
BJP has found the way to de-criminalize their party. All investigative agencies will be advised to summarily drop all charges!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Avian Flu - Chandigarh Police arrests many husbands while taking their wives forcefully towards Sukhna Lake!
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often, they get elected!
Forget about bringing Black Money from abroad;
Let's first try to bring back our PM from abroad!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Acchhe Din Aa Gaye... IRCTC Subah 10 Baje Khulte Hi - 2 Minute Mein SERVICE DOWN Status Aa Jaata Tha... Abb 1 Minute Mein Hi Aa Jaata Hai!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
If the person you are trying to diagnose politically is some sort of intellectual,
The chances are two to one he is a Democrat.
NEWS AND POLITICS
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhea and stomach pain.
A kind of feeling that a husband gets when he sees his wife going through his phone!
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
Some men change their party for the sake of their principles;
Others change their principles for the sake of their party!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Just heard the news - Nobel for Jayalalitha...
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I almost fainted.
Later, when I heard it again...
it was NO BAIL for Jayalalitha!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I saved Rs.40000 on Flipkart...
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As all items which I wanted to buy were out of stock!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Jayalalitha demanded bail on Health ground;
But she was denied it on Wealth ground!
Because
Health = Wealth
NEWS AND POLITICS
Obama is simply surprised at India's PM:
Jo Aadmi Pani Pi Ke Itna Bolta Hai Socho... Woh Daaru Pi Ke Kitna Bolega!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
We, Indians have a plenty of confidence in this country;
But we are a little short of good men to place our confidence in
Chinese Premier Xi Jinping's wife was very happy coming to India. She got so emotional when she observed that all men are not the same!
NEWS AND POLITICS
At dinner, after Gujarati main course, Narendra Modi to Xi Jinping: Now, let's have some dessert.
Xi Jinping: What have we been eating for the last one hour?
NEWS AND POLITICS
HUMBLE APPEAL:
He has served us Beer when we were Sad or Happy. And now he badly needs our help.
Please save Vijay Mallya by
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ADOPTING at least ONE Kingfisher Air-hostess!
NEWS AND POLITICS
People who post their videos of taking Ice Bucket Challenge are usually the same people who ask you not to play 'Holi' to save water!
NEWS AND POLITICS
In today's India:
Sound is measured in 'Arnabs';
Laughter in 'Sidhus';
Silence in 'Manmohans';
And 'Stupidity' in 'Digvijays'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I have been doing the Ice Bucket Challenge for a long time... but
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the ice finishes after a few drinks!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ice Bucket Challenge is fine... but an 8 piece KFC Bucket Challenge sounds more interesting!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Modi's dream for prosperous India:
India ko Banana Republic se Republic Banana Padega!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
If Arnab Goswani and Dolly Bindra get married... their kids would be the most advanced sound system ever built on our planet!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Smriti Irani's Educational Qualification:
Under the new HRD guidelines, students will either Pass or Yale!
Dedicated to another Petrol Price Hike:
The days are not too far, when our take home salary won't be enough to take us home!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The general expectation is that the semi-final line-up will be
B: Brazil
A: Argentina
N: Netherlands
G: Germany.
So the World Cup will in all probability end with a B.A.N.G.
NEWS AND POLITICS / SPORTS
Look at Congress optimism!
Even with 44 seats, they still have a High Command.
What is it high on?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ladies have taken out a big Morcha at Ghatkopar Metro Reliance Office in Mumbai... protesting the start of Metro as their husbands now reach home 2 hours early and they do not get time for Whatsapp!
NEWS AND POLITICS / WHATSAPP
Rail Fare Hike:
Well, if our trains cannot be world class, at least our train fares can be!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Something really bizarre:
Buddha left home for a higher calling leaving behind his wife named Yashodhara.
Mahavir left for a higher calling leaving his wife named Yashoda.
Modi left home on a higher calling leaving his wife named Yashodaben!
NEWS AND POLITICS / INTERESTING
The Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
The temperature at more than 44 degree Celsius in North India beats the number of Congress MPs in Lok Sabha!
NEWS AND POLITICS / WEATHER
Weather News: Dust storms in Delhi!
Reason discovered:
Modi and his ministerial colleagues dusting off all the UPA files!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After the success of "Coffee with Karan", the TV Channels are planning to start:
Tea with Namo,
Horlicks with Raga
and
Cough Syrup with Arvind!
Advice by Modi to Kejriwal:
Never resign from the job till you get a new one!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Discussion in Tihar Jail:
Kejriwal: Most of my people did not get back their deposits.
Subroto Roy Sahara: Most of mine, too!
Both: LOL Bro!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The most humble person in this world is Manohar. He is a Director of 6 Companies but still drives Nitin Gadkari's car!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rahul Gandhi needs to marry now. With a mother, you are always in the ruling party. Only a wife can teach you how to survive in the opposition!
NEWS AND POLITICS
AAP is so broke after losing record deposits in the elections,they can't afford 10,000 rupees to pay Kejriwal's bail!
NEWS AND POLITICS
2014 Indian General Election Results:
Now the parents would be in a dilemma whether to send their kids to a tea-vendor to make them Modi; or send them to an IIT to make them Kejriwal!
NEWS AND POLITICS / EDUCATION
Just an Observation:
If you start from Nariman Point, Mumbai, you would have to travel upto Ludhiana to find a Congress MP!
NEWS AND POLITICS
It's difficult to comprehend politics. Rahul Gandhi was smiling after losing and Modi was crying after winning!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Shatrugan Sinha would be the perfect person to be the new Speaker of Lok Sabha.
Imagine the effect when he utters the word 'Khamosh'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Bhagwant Mann Win:
We live in a country where we take our comedians seriously and our politicians as a joke
400+ AAP people lost deposit!
They wanted the state to fund political parties. Instead they've become a political party that funds the state!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Finally, Congress has succeeded in removing the Chief Minister of Gujarat. A major achievement after 13 years!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Some people claim that Manmohan Singh is a true Sikh. He took revenge of 1984 riots by finishing Congress!
Singh is King!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rahul Gandhi can still be the next Prime Minister. With 44 Congress MPs supported by 0 BSP members, the total can be now read as 440!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Forget Tigers, Save Congress!
Because Tigers left in India are 1411 and Congress... only 44!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Good news for Congress for winning under 50 seats. They can now
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make a Whatsapp group without leaving any Lok Sabha MP out!
NEWS AND POLITICS / WHATSAPP
General elections 2014:
India is a unique nation.
Earlier it didn't have government;
And now it doesn't have opposition!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Arnab Goswami: BJP got 289.
Alia Bhat: In how many overs?
NEWS AND POLITICS / BOLLYWOOD
NaMo: India has won!
Alia Bhatt: Was there a match today?
NEWS AND POLITICS / BOLLYWOOD
Had Rahul Gandhi lost from Amethi to Smriti Irani, he would have proven beyond doubt that he's serious about women empowerment!
BJP alone 73 in UP and Congress alone 43 in India!
There is also a Rahul wave in the country. India is waving goodbye!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Lessons for Indian General Elections 2014:
Dear Parents,
When you force your child into a profession against his interest, he emulates Rahul Gandhi!
NEWS AND POLITICS / INTERESTING
News: Rahul doesnot attend Manmohan Singh's farewell Dinner hosted by Sonia!
Actually, Rahul is angry with Manmohan Uncle for leaving the PM's chair to someone else!
NEWS AND POLITICS
3 heros of BJP's landslide victory in 2014 General Elections:
1. Narendra Modi
2. Amit Shah
3. Rahul Gandhi
NEWS AND POLITICS
Lessons from 2014 General Elections:
Modi: Single
Rahul: Single
Mamta: Single
Jaylalitha: Single
Mayawati: Single
Only single persons can change the future of country. The married can't even change the TV channels without the consent of their spouse!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I think LK Advani should be made the next President of India. Every Republic Day, he'll get to ride a Rath, too!
~Tweet by Ramesh Srivats
NEWS AND POLITICS
BJP in UP: 71 seats
Congress Total: 46 seats
BJP won by 25 Seats and 28 States!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Forget my career, my mom is worried about Rahul Gandhi's future!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Namo Namo
Congress Svaha!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Just In:
Narendra Modi is the Maxwell of Indian Political League
The election results prove that Namo is the Rajinikanth of Politics!
NEWS AND POLITICS / RAJINIKANTH
Breaking News:
Congress orders enquiry against all 46 MPs for winning despite Modi Wave!
~ Omar Abdullah
NEWS AND POLITICS
The Cricket frenzy Indians are bent on beating Chris Gayle's record of 333 by giving 334 to NDA!
NEWS AND POLITICS / CRICKET
Indian General Elections Results:
BJP: 285
Cong: 43
AAP: 4
Air Bus for BJP, a Railway Compartment for Congress and a Car for AAP!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
BJP leaders searching Rahul Gandhi to...
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thank him for their victory!
NEWS AND POLITICS
BREAKING NEWS:
Congress needs 42 more to avoid follow on!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Karan Johar's next movie:
Congress Wale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge aur BJP Waale Government!
NEWS AND POLITICS
2014 Indian General Elections have proved one thing, beyond any doubt - A Gujju can do anything to get a US Visa!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Indian General Elections 2014:
Tiger Shroff's movie release has been put off by a week to May 23 because of election results. May 16 would mark 'Heropanti' for someone else!
NEWS AND POLITICS / BOLLYWOOD
Considering Modi's comment on Priyanka being more like a daughter... whosoever makes the government, Robert Vadra would remain the son-in-law!
That awkward moment when you realise even Digvijay Singh has a girlfriend but you don't!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Our Textile Industry is broke but the Media more than makes up with its spinning and weaving of tales!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I am starting a party called IRCTC. Nobody will be given a ticket or seat!
NEWS AND POLITICS / INTERESTING
Dr. Manmohan Singh: I don't have anything to hide.
Sunny Leone: Same here!
NEWS AND POLITICS / BOLLYWOOD
Indian politicians at a glance.
Mulayam: Ladkon se Galti ho Jaati hai!
ND Tiwari: Galti se Ladke ho Jaate hein!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rajat Sharma's interview of Modi:
Match fixing, spot fixing and now "Interview fixing"... Incredible India!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Manmohan Singh's wife may file a case against him for... "Domestic Silence"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Indians are so incompetent that... rulers come from Italy and voters from Bangladesh!
NEWS AND POLITICS
PA: MJ is joining BJP.
RaGa: Michael Jackson is alive?
PA: Arre sir... MJ Akbar.
RaGa: So you mean, Akbar is alive?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Honesty in politics is much like oxygen - the higher a politician goes, the scarcer it becomes!
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign with the funds from the rich, by promising to protect them from each other!
NEWS AND POLITICS
My bargain to my opponents.
If you stop telling lies about me;
I'll stop telling the truth about you!
NEWS AND POLITICS
1st phase of IPL 7 in UAE:
Please enjoy the matches... fixed toh Aapki Shadi bhi thi!
NEWS AND POLITICS / CRICKET
Bad representatives are elected by good citizens who do not vote!
NEWS AND POLITICS / WISE WORDS
Gujarat Govt. may discontinue "Kuchh Din To Gujaariye Gujarat Mein" campaign, after Arvind Kejriwal decides to canvass there!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Honesty in politics is much like oxygen.
The higher up you go, the scarcer it becomes!
NEWS AND POLITICS
For the first time in Indian elections, Congress and BJP are campaigning using the same slogan:
"Congress Ko Vote Doge, To Rahul PM Banega!"
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
Breaking News:
Arvind Kejriwal will not sit on any Dharna today!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Politics is the art of looking for trouble;
Finding it - whether it exists or not;
Diagnosing it quite incorrectly;
And applying the wrong remedy!
NEWS AND POLITICS
19 Billion Dollars were "Last seen at" Mark Zuckerburg's account!
Now Mark Zuckerberg should take over Twitter to complete this WTF trilogy.
NEWS AND POLITICS / FACEBOOK / WHATSAPP
Arvind Kejriwal was sworn in on 28th December and he quit on 14th February. This, short burst belligerent period shall now be remembered as AK-47!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Azam Khan has bought a very expensive car. It is called "Mercedes Bhainz"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I just want AAP's govt to last for at least six months. Not really for Delhi's development and improvement... but I just want to see whether this man removes his 'muffler' in the month of June!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Kejriwal is so honest that he went for DNA test before writing his dad's name on high school form!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Delhi world's most polluted city: Study
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...
Had to be... with all the politicians of India living in it!
NEWS AND POLITICS
PA: Sir, Kejriwal ne Paani free kar diya.
Raga: Pata hai, 700 meter.
PA: Sir, meter nahi liter.
Raga: Lekin news thi ki meter se hi milega!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After seeing Rahul Gandhi's interview by Arnab Goswami, one may not know who will win but one can safely conclude for sure who's not gonna win!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Arvind Kejriwal likes Shakira's hips, because they don't lie!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The government has diverted the attention of the Indians from key issues to... checking the expiry date of 'Currency' notes!
Arvind Kejriwal is so honest that he never skips youtube ads!
NEWS AND POLITICS
First Shashi Tharoor lost External Affairs ministry because of Sunanda.
Now he loses Sunanda because of external affairs!
NEWS AND POLITICS
My auto-rickshaw driver asked me, "Sir, Aage signal se Arvind Kejriwal karoonga"!
I asked him to clarify... and he said smiling, "I meant U-Turn, Sir"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Kejriwal is so honest that he cooks Maggi noodles only for 2 minutes!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dear Arvind Kejriwal,
Stop doing such Nautankis... let the status quo of corruption continue as it is!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dear Delhites,
You are so lucky. You got to choose from Harshvardhan or Kejriwal... whereas we always get either Mayawati or Mulayam.
Your Neighbours,
UPites!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Now if AAP wants to make a stunning debut in Punjab, they should offer
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at least 70 litres free liquor every year!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Finally, Congress fulfills the promise made via a slogan in 2004 to the electorate:
Congress ka Haath;
Aam Aadmi ke Saath!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Everybody is running after "Name and Fame and Money".
Arvind Kejriwal left all this for a cause... now "Name and Fame and Money are running after him!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Inflation is cutting money in half without damaging the paper!
Girl 1: Didi, Arvind Kejriwal ka SMS aaya hai, samajh nahin aa raha YES karun ya NO!
Girl 2: Awww kar de!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Till now, we thought maids were only capable of creating confusion amongst ladies or neighbours. Two top democracies are now at loggerheads - courtesy confusion created by a maid!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Now, SP offers Devyani Khobragade a Lok Sabha ticket.
Come on, she just committed a visa fraud. She's not that big a criminal!
NEWS AND POLITICS
News: Congress agrees to all 18 demands made by Arvind Kejriwal
Now, he can quickly make 18 more demands!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rahul: Which city is this?
PA: Sir, Bikaner. Rahul: But that is in Delhi.
PA: Sir, that is Bikaner Sweets.
Rahul: So is this salted!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The "Chain Smokers" should start to donate their lungs to the government. So that the govt. can squeeze tar from them to complete pending road projects of India!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Most of the media people and Bollywood people are supporting Gays because maximum Gays are in media and Bollywood only!
NEWS AND POLITICS / BOLLYWOOD
Delhi election results have made History... a male has beaten a female with a broom!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Tring tring.
Sheila: Hello?
Rahul: What is the reason for your defeat?
Sheila: Sirji, AAP!
NEWS AND POLITICS
2013 Delhi election results:
BAAP : 34
AAP : 26
PAAP : 8
The power of social media:
From Facebook wall to Kejriwal.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Tring Tring...
Operator: This Is Packets and Movers. Who's this?
Caller: This is Sheila Dikshit!
NEWS AND POLITICS
RIP
Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela
Former President of South Africa
Birth: July 18, 1918, Mvezo, South Africa
Died: December 5, 2013, Johannesburg, South Africa
NEWS AND POLITICS
RIP
Nelson Mandela
Former President Of South Africa
(July 18,1918 - December 05,2013)
NEWS AND POLITICS
The Iron Lady (Margaret Thatcher) is dead.
Iron Man (LK Advani) is almost out of business.
And Manmohan Singh still rules.
You see this is not the Age of Iron. It's Iron Age or rather the Age of Irony!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Modi: Don't vote for Arvind Kejriwal. He back-stabbed Anna Hazare.
LK Advani: I agree!
NEWS AND POLITICS
If the US govt is Uncle Sam, our govt should be named Uncle Scam!
NEWS AND POLITICS
What do you call a person who tries to get friendly too quickly?
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Tej-pal!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Somewhere between Burqa of Secularism and the Khaki Shorts of Communalism... people have completely forgotten to wear the "Hat of Wisdom"!
NEWS AND POLITICS / PEOPLE
Climbing stairs is a good exercise.
Earlier stairs helped to burn calories, now it prevents molestation too!
Say No to Lifts/Elevators... take the staircase!
Issued in Public Interest!
Indian roads are specially designed so that a pregnant lady can have a "free delivery". Thus, we keep our promise as per our election manifesto.
Sincerely,
Government
NEWS AND POLITICS
First Tarun Tejpal followed them on Twitter. Now he has got new friend requests on Facebook from them.
They are Asaram Bapu, Narayan Sai and ND Tiwari!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Hoax news:
The Thailand government has decided to award "Bangkok Ratna" to Asaram Bapu!
NEWS AND POLITICS
One party is supported by India Inc. Another is supported by
India Ink!
NEWS AND POLITICS
With rising inflation, Ink has become the cheapest thing to throw on politicians replacing eggs, tomatoes and shoes!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Indians are progressing. Earlier, we used to throw shoes at politicians, now we have moved to Ink!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ink throwing incident
Kejriwal caught off-guard as he didn't have any ink-ling of the action!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The guy who threw ink on Arvind Kejriwal took "The pen is mightier than the sword" a bit too seriously!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Who is Amit Shah's favorite rapper?
Snoop Dogg!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I can accept for 'Krrish 3', 'Dhoom 3', 'Golmaal 3' and even 'Ek Thi Daayan 3';
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But I cannot accept 'UPA 3' at any cost!
Open letter:
Dear Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi,
If you really have the intention to know about the problems of a common man... then the first thing you should do is "Get Married"!
Sincerely,
Commmon Man
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
Asaram is one of those lucky guys who can brag that his son "Narayan Prem Sai" went on him!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
Breaking News:
Confusion on gold digging resolved!
The seer in Unnao clarified that he only wanted to sleep in the temple. He had said, "Mandir Mein Sona Hai"!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
News: Blackberry Messenger on Android
Another messenger to talk to the same people, it's like buying five remotes for the same TV!
NEWS AND POLITICS / INTERESTING
Dear Indians,
Due to the economic crisis, to save on energy costs the lights at the end of the tunnel will be switched off.
Sincerely,
God
NEWS AND POLITICS / INTERESTING
There was a time when people cried only while chopping onions... now they cry even while buying onions!
NEWS AND POLITICS
At one point, Vijay Mallya had piles of cash.
Now the Cash has gone and only the Piles remain.
This condition is medically called King Fissure!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Golden rule: If most of the politicians are against something, that thing must be good for the public!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Hoax News:
Asaram is reported sick in jail.
Probably, there is a shortage of Vitamin She!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Priyanka Gandhi: Dear, I need some space in our relationship.
Robert Vadra: Ok dear, How about Sector 62 and 63 in NOIDA. I hope it is enough for you!
LK Advani once asked Aryabhata about his chances of becoming PM.
That was the day when Aryabhata invented 'Zero'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Who says "Friday the 13th" is nothing but a superstition.
Delhi Rape Case culprits to be hanged.
Sreesanth banned for life.
LK Advani loses sight on PMship for good!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Simple rule - If there's a ministry for it, there'll be a scam in it!
NEWS AND POLITICS
ND Tiwari and Asaram Bapu are the only 2 individuals who are unhappy after passing their tests!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rs 17,000 crore Railway scam? Can we call it Churchgate?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Seeing the current scenario in India, we need to change the names of the leading newspapers to
Jokesatta
Jungsatta
Hindustan Crimes
The Indian Depress
The Bad Times of India
Dainik Torture and
DNA (Do Not Ask)!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Mr Rupee, how do you respond to all the jokes made on you?
Mr Rupee: I don't appreciate!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Women staying home after 8 PM can prevent rape.
Closing petrol pumps at 8 PM can save petrol.
I think our politicians are high on 8 PM!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dear Onion, Dollar and Petrol;
No matter how much you rise day in and day out, I'll always never change.
Sincerely Yours,
Salary!
NEWS AND POLITICS
What does 1$ buy you today?
Masala Dosa and Coke.
What does 1 Rupee buy you?
Only a video on Airtel showing how to cook the Masala Dosa!
New word being considered to be incorporated in Oxford Dictionary:
Man-mohan- ed: Verb
Meaning: Silenced by a lady, especially by the self assumed more powerful woman...
Used as: My wife and I had an argument; she yelled and I Manmohaned!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Law, without force, is impotent.
~ Blaise Pascal
Law is impotent, I am the force.
~ Asaram Rascal
NEWS AND POLITICS
Teacher: Why the Jain community is generally very rich?
Student: Ma'm, it's because they don't eat onions!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Food Security Bill passed.
'Food' for the Poor;
'Security' for the Congress;
And 'Bill' for the Tax-payers!
NEWS AND POLITICS
DLF: Developing Little Farmers!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Sonia Gandhi was admitted to AIIMS some days back. Doctors said it was a case of 'NaMonia'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
It's always been:
Thin Crust Pizza of Italy vs. Khakra Papad of Gujaratis.
Today, it's true of even India's politics!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I really wanted to crack a joke on 'Rupee'... but that would be really cheap!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Gurgaon should be renamed Jamaica since most of the land is "Jamai Ka"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ever since there's been a spurt in Onion price, my wife makes me
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....
"Chicken No Pyaza"!
The currency whose name ends with 'PEE' was bound to fall!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Every man is Narendra Modi before marriage and Manmohan Singh after marriage!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Jain girls are in high demand for getting married by eligible bachelors because they know how to cook food without Onions...
NEWS AND POLITICS
Pound took affront to continuous comparison of Indian Rupee to US Dollar. As a result, it quietly moved to more than Rs 100 to the Rupee!
NEWS AND POLITICS
There are three type of ions:
Cations: Positively charged ions
Anions: Negatively charged ions
Onions: Expensively charged ions
NEWS AND POLITICS
Please give way to vehicles carrying sick people, including politicians!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Today, Rupee should tie a Rakhi to US Dollar and ask for unconditional support and protection!
NEWS AND POLITICS
US Dollar almost touches 64:
Exporters meet at Hotel Taj;
And Importers meet at Apollo Heart Institute!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dollar on escalator;
Rupee on ventilator!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Forget 50% off season sale on Zara, Mango or Vero Moda .
I am waiting for my local vegetable vendor to announce sale on Tomatoes, Onions, Potatoes, etc.
For the first time in the history of India, Necessity, Comfort and Luxury are available at the same price.
Onions Rs. 75
Petrol Rs. 75
Beer Rs. 75 Thanx Government
NEWS AND POLITICS
Congress wants to ban jokes;
BJP wants to ban meat;
Anna is against alcohol;
And Ramdev preaches against drug abuse.
Isn't this Discrimination against PUNJABIS in general?
NEWS AND POLITICS
TV channels are showing "Aashiqui 2" on Independence Day. So be prepared to be shown 'Border' on' Valentines' day!
NEWS AND POLITICS
News: Sand prices in Noida up 60% in a year and onion prices up 45% in 2 weeks in Delhi.
And we were stupid enough to invest in land and buildings!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Indians are so incompetent that rulers come from Italy and voters from Bangladesh!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The Indian Parliament should be pronounced as the INDIAN ARLIAENT because the PM is silent!
NEWS AND POLITICS
India is a developing country. Proof:
1. Soon we'll surpass China in terms of population.
2. Soon we'll surpass US in number of states!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The big question:
Who'll get the patent of Hyderabadi Biryani!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I told my wife, I have 12 rupees... Let's go out for dinner tonight.
She printed a "Congress Symbol" on my face!
NEWS AND POLITICS
McDonald's to introduce 2 new burgers:
Rs. 12 McBabbar
Rs. 5 McRashid
We are Hatin'it...
By naming the royal baby as George Alexander Louis, Britain outshone USA by not naming it after a fruit, plant or direction!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Considering Queen Elizabeth's health, Prince Charles and Prince William will have to contend with Baby Prince's crowning as the heir to the throne!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After Salman-SRK patch-up and its media coverage, it's safe to arrive at the conclusion that the biggest problem of our country is solved...
Now only small problems like corruption, inflation, depreciating rupee and increasing population remain to be addressed!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rs 5 to hear Narendra Modi's speech wasn't a bad deal at all, considering the nation is paying a huge price for Manmohan Singh's silence!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Finally, the first arrest in Bofors case. Cardiac Arrest of Quattrocci!
NEWS AND POLITICS
When one door closes another opens.
Perfect example:
Cheer leaders banned in 20-20. Dance bars to re-open in Maharashtra!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Employee to his boss, "Sir, when petrol prices increased, I remained quiet.
Dollar price increased during summer break, I kept mum.
Then it was the turn of vegetables prices, I still maintained my calmness.
But now, Dance Bars are reopening, I can't really remain silent. I need a salary hike!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Supreme Court has allowed Dance Bars to reopen in Mumbai and Maharashtra so that people don't waste precious forex in Pattaya and Bangkok!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Supreme Court: Dance bars to open in Mumbai:
Now Pappu can dance, Sala!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Our politicians are also like football players. However, their goal is not the post but the polls!
Manmohaneconomics:
Dollar, Diesel, Daaru, Doodh and Dudhi (Lauki)
Everything @ Rs. 60/-
NEWS AND POLITICS
When UPA II came to power,
Rupee was trading at around Rahul's age.
Now it is trading at Sonia's age.
And the way things are going, don't be surprised if it soon trades at Manmohan Singh's age!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The Indian government is contemplating to raise the retirement age considering Rupee's frequent flirtation with the 60 mark!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Only sane people wear DOLLAR or EURO brand underwears because they know that RUPA is very risky - it may go down anytime!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Earthquake - Call the army
Floods - Call the army
Terrorist attack - Call the army
A child stuck in a borewell - Call the army
and
When it's opening ceremony, festival, Award Function, etc. -
Call politicians, actors, police or bureaucrats!
NEWS AND POLITICS
If you're feeling low in life, remember that Rupee is at its lifetime low!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Thanks to GMR and heavy rains:
Grounded Kingfisher flights can finally start sailing from the Delhi airport!
NEWS AND POLITICS
JD(U) had a true marriage with BJP. That's the only plausible reason for its realising after 17 years that it was sleeping with the 'Enemy'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
With the hike in the petrol price by Rs 2, you would not be able to see the video of Baba ji or Kareena!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Why don't politicians like playing Golf?
Because it's too much like their work: trapped in one bad lie after another!
The only time the Indian Rupee goes up these days is... during a toss!
NEWS AND POLITICS
For LK Advani, it's almost "Go Goa Gone"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Another South Indian, Mahankali emerges Winner of Scripps National Spelling Bee 2013
Most winners of Spelling Bee are South Indians as they become adept in spellings while writing their full names for years.
NEWS AND POLITICS
RIP
Jiah Khan
Bollywood Actress
(February 20, 1988 - June 3, 2013)
NEWS AND POLITICS
GDP back to 5%!
Dalmiya back in Cricket...
Narayan Murthy back in INFY...
Madhuri Dixit back in Dance...
Are we going back to mid 90s?
Then by same logic, isn't BJP coming back to power again!
NEWS AND POLITICS
IPl 6 Spot-fixing:
Tell the truth or someone will tell it for you. The same is happening with N. Srinivasan!
NEWS AND POLITICS
80 Crores spent on Ads in Delhi based papers to remember Rajiv Gandhi...
Then opposition says that economy is in bad shape. Liars!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Chinese prime minister visits India for 3 days
As far I know, Chinese products don't last for more than two days!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Such travesty...
While the great Dara Singh represented Hanuman, his son Vindoo Dara Singh represents Middleman!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Shah Rukh Khan, Subroto Roy and GMR planning to sell their IPL teams at OLX!
Rahul Dravid is the new Manmohan Singh. An honest and respectful person leading the most corrupt team!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After the betting expose, people are still watching IPL - now you know the reason as to why Congress keeps coming back to power!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Belated Happy Mother's day to Mr. Manmohan Singh!
Why? Because he is forever MUM!
NEWS AND POLITICS
It'll be ironical if Pawan Bansal escapes Railgate and fixed by Maneka Gandhi for sacrificing a goat!
Tweet
~ Suhel Seth
NEWS AND POLITICS
Now even Pawan Bansal will have to log on to the irctc site to book a ticket like anyone else. That's some punishment!
NEWS AND POLITICS
We live in a nation where singing against Rapes, Corruptions, Scams and Murders is an outrage; but walking out when our National Song is being played is a trivial act!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
An outlet of Mainland China opens at Leh!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ram eliminated Ravan (R=R)
Krishna eliminated Kansa (K=K)
Godse eliminated Gandhi (G=G)
Obama eliminated Osama (O=O)
.
..
Is there gonna be some connection between Corruption and Congress (C=C)?
NEWS AND POLITICS
So the Samsung Galaxy S4 is revealed...
Apple will now sue Samsung for spelling 4S backwards!
NEWS AND POLITICS
"ETIHAD buys stake in JET AIRWAYS."
Let's hope that they don't rename the airline as 'JEHAD'!
Kasab shouldn't have been hanged. He should have been left in Delhi wearing a frock.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rahul Dravid aged 39 is called 'Old' and has retired from active Cricket. Whereas Rahul Gandhi aged 40, is called 'Young' is yet to take plunge in active politics!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Pakistan's interim head is 84 years old and has Alzheimers.
Why does Pakistan imitate India only in bad things?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dear Pervez Musharraf,
This is Pakistan. After completing shoe throwing level, the player will reach Level 2, which may have grenades!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Considering SC's verdict, Samajwadi Party to appeal for amnesty to Sanjay Dutt to stop communal forces from coming to power.
NEWS AND POLITICS
The Government of India updated its relationship status with DMK as "It's complicated"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Akhilesh denies UP is a 'soft' state. He insists that it's a Mulayam state instead.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Thank God, there are hardly any Elections in Pakistan. Otherwise before hanging, Kasab would have been sent back to Pakistan to cast his vote!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Nirbhay Missile fails to hit target:
The cruise missile Nirbhay would not have failed if it had been launched from Arnab Goswami's mouth.
NEWS AND POLITICS
IIPM launches Diploma in Online Content Blocking.
White House receptionist to the president Obama, "Sir, someone has been calling time and again but not speaking anything".
Obama: Wish him "Namaste"! He must be Manmohan Singh from India!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Let's all observe a 2 minute silence for those unpaid "Kingfisher Airlines" employees who were watching "Royal Challengers Bangalore" splurge money on players at the IPL auction!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Strange is the judicial system, which rejects an Army Chief's school certificate but admits and accepts a rapist's!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Who says there is no PEACE in Pakistan! Look at it from my viewpoint:
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There's no better PIECE in Pakistan than Hina Rabbani!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Nitin Gadkari to Rajnath Singh, "Congratulations, Rajnath ji! Please tell me if you need a driver. Mine is free these days".
NEWS AND POLITICS
Who said money cannot buy everything? Tiger Woods tried to win back his ex-wife with $200m deal and she said 'YES'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
What's the big deal with Barack Obama being sworn in twice! My wife swears at me all the time.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Anil Kumble joins Mumbai Indians as chief mentor.
First he loses the airline, now he loses Anil Kumble. What is it with Mallya and Jumbos?
~ Ramesh Srivats
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Pak PM's lawyers assure him that he has the right to remain silent.
"Look at Manmohan Singh", they say.
NEWS AND POLITICS
USA: If you attack us, we will attack you.
ISRAEL: If you attack us, we will demolish you.
INDIA: If you attack us, we will not play Cricket with you
What must we do with Pakistan? Other than sending Owaisi, Asaram and Abu Azmi there to destroy them!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Week 1: Congress loses a lot of ground by doing nothing.
Week 2: Congress gains a lot of ground by saying nothing.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Raj Thackeray: Bhaiyya is the problem
Asaram Bapu: Bhaiyya is the solution
Thus implying that "One man's meat is another man's poison".
Latin Proverb
NEWS AND POLITICS
It won't be surprising if all the future panelists of "The Newshour" start addressing Arnab Goswami as 'Bhaiyya'.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Aren't both Raj Thackeray and Asaram Bapu saying the same thing
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calling the rapists, BHAIYYA!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Shiney Ahuja is the biggest fan of Mohan Bhagwat. He doesn't differentiate between the maid and the wife.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Looking at his energy level, it won't be surprising if Revital drops Salman Khan and signs Arnab Goswami as the next brand ambassador.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Javed Miandad cancels India trip. To apply for Bharat visa instead.
NEWS AND POLITICS
It's so cold in Delhi today that even the politicians have their hands in their own pockets.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Family rule, sluggish economy & Cricket thrashings from Pakistan. Who says you can't travel back in time?
If the govt. can send the victim to Singapore for better treatment, it should send the accused to Dubai for better justice!
NEWS AND POLITICS
When Modi talks in Gujarati, "he is a regional leader".
He speaks in Hindi, "he has Delhi in mind".
If he doesn't talk, "why the hell he is trying copy the PM?"
NEWS AND POLITICS
Unfortunately, in the current scenario, the dominant blood group in India is "B negative".
NEWS AND POLITICS
Don't Forget:
If boy is a gem then girl is a pearl;
So please don't decimate it's brilliance for carnal instincts!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Raping a girl is the first sign of impotency!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Neither womb nor world, then which is the safest place for girls?
NEWS AND POLITICS
India's PM Dr. Manmohan Singh addressed a rally in Gujarat.
When Narendra Modi was asked to comment on it, he smiled wryly and said, "Everything works better in Gujarat. See! Even Dr. Manmohan Singh spoke"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
RIP
Pandit Ravi Shankar
Sitar Maestro
(Aril 07, 1920- December 11, 2012)
NEWS AND POLITICS
Pepsi bags IPL contract
For making almost 400 crore, it should be "BCCI bags Pepsi"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking news:
Two girls in Pakistan arrested for liking status of Ajmal Kasab's hanging.
Breaking News:
The mosquito that bit Ajmal Kasab files a complaint against the Indian Government for taking credit.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Balasaheb Thackeray and Yash Copra probably convinced Yamraj to take out Ajmal Kasab!
NEWS AND POLITICS
One of my bombs didn't explode. So my Mom is not going to feed me Mutton Biryani today.
Ajmal Kasab as a kid
NEWS AND POLITICS
Why the secrecy on Kasab's hanging:
Was he hanged or he died of dengue?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Kasab Hanging:
The Indian Government was unable to bear the expenses of Ajmal Kasab due to rapidly increasing inflation and fiscal deficit.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ajmal Kasab hanging:
Isn't it ironic to hang a man on a suicide mission!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Considering recent arrest of 2 girls, FB should provide 3 options after someone posts something:
1. Edit
2. Delete
3. Apply for anticipatory bail
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ajmal Kasab hanged:
Now even the Indians can celebrate Thanksgiving!
NEWS AND POLITICS
2 girls arrested for posting on FB questioning the bandh in Mumbai following Bal Thackeray's death!
Zynga soon to introduce JAILVILLE on Facebook!!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Bal Thackeray: Stable
Shiv Sena: Unstable
Mumbai: Critical
NEWS AND POLITICS
A brilliant thought:
If banks charge us for insufficient funds why don't we charge them for insufficient cash?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Finance Minister says people's problems are only for one or two quarters.
Actually he is right because after one or two quarters usually people forget all their problems!
NEWS AND POLITICS
A new survey by Modi Government:
How much satisfied you are with demonetisation?
A) 100%
B) A
C) B
D) C
NEWS AND POLITICS
Next up National Anthem to be played in ATM queues to instill patriotism amongst disgruntled citizens!
NEWS AND POLITICS
ATM Machines are the first ones to support Narendra Modi's Vision of Cash-Less Economy!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Guys, please pray for me. I will be going to the hospital tomorrow morning. I think I have a problem with my eyes. Every time I look into my wallet, I see nothing.
Doctor says it's 'Modi-Bindu'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Achhe Din Aane Wale Hain:
Now Govt. is going to take away all your 'Unregistered Properties' back.
Have you registered your 'Marriage'?
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
We have our own financial calendar now, starting 9th November 2016.
BC - Before Currency
AD - After Demonetisation
NEWS AND POLITICS
Reporter: Sir, what's your opinion on demonetisation?
Lalu Prasad Yadav: Mushkil Se Intolerance Bolna Seekha Tha... Ab Sasura Yeh Bhi Seekhna Padega!
Meanwhile, Bill Gates is confident that even with white money, Indians will buy pirated Windows!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Fidel Castro: I will not die till America is destroyed.
America elects Trump as President.
Castro: Well, then...!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Two pieces of unconnected news:
Saturday was exclusively reserved for Senior Citizens at the banks.
Air India canceled several of its flights on Saturday as most of their cabin crew had applied for leave!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The statement that increases an Indian Man's heartbeat & brings about fear "Aaji Sunte Ho!" is now in the 2nd spot.
"Mere Pyaare Deshwasiyon" has now taken over the 1st place!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
If things will continue like this the government would have to introduce UDHAR card!
NEWS AND POLITICS
As a responsible citizen, during heavy traffic, please immediately give way when you see a...
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ATM Cash Van!
NEWS AND POLITICS
DeMonetisation reminds me of the Sheep who cheered when their leader promised them a blanket each.
Till one sheep asked where will the wool come from?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Heard in a bank:
"Sir, can I wash this ink mark with water?"
"No"
"What if I use soap?"
"No"
"Shampoo?"
"Never"
"How long will it last?"
"Almost a year."
"Then please apply some in my hair. I am tired of these ordinary dyes"
NEWS AND POLITICS
Donald Trump has decided that he won't take the Presidential salary.
This man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Gandhari: I sent my 100 sons to stand in ATM queue and got 250,000 based on per person limit.
Kunti: That's nothing, with my Pandavas, I withdrew Rs 12.5 lakh for Draupadi's wedding based on Rs 2.5 lakh per wedding limit!
My wife complained that we don't spend enough time together.
Taking her to the ATM tonight!
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
Punjabis to PM Modi:
Either tell liquor shops to accept old notes or ask banks to sell liquor.
We can't stand in two lines in a single day!
NEWS AND POLITICS
BJP leader Reddy spent 500 crores on his daughter's wedding and BJP wants others to do their daughters' wedding within 2.5 lakh!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Do you know why India's Test captain Virat Kohli impressed by the government's move on DeMonetisation?
Because it is a PayTM series!
NEWS AND POLITICS
This weekend picnic spots:
SBI
HDFC
ICICI
PNB
IDBI
AXIS
DENA
YES BANK
NEWS AND POLITICS
Donald Trump truly made history...
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He won an argument against a woman!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
A recently fired stock trader said...
"This is worse than a divorce, I have lost everything and I still have my wife!"
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
Donald Trump is next President but the biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Saala Aaj-Kal Aisa Lag Raha Hai Ki Jaise Indian Currency Le Ke Main Foreign Mein Ghoom Raha Hun!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Two days America will never forget - 9/11 and 11/9.
First one they were bombed and the second on they bombed themselves!
A great idea by a husband. He asks his CA.
I have deposited Rupees 5 lakhs in my wife's account. Are you sure IT people will arrest my wife or should I deposit more?
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
A new doubt of Commerce Students:
Should we show *Cash In Hand* on the assets or liability side?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Cash deposits of up to 2.5 lakhs made by dear housewives, won't invite IT attention...
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it's a great opportunity to declare undeclared wives!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Friends meeting after years.
1st Friend: How are you? How are the children? Where are they?
2nd Friend: Eldest son in SBI, his wife in ICICI. The second son in HDFC, his wife in Canara Bank. Youngest daughter, not married, in Axis Bank.
1st Friend: So all well settled in Bank jobs?
2nd Friend: No, they are all standing in the queues there!
NEWS AND POLITICS
According to latest RBI notification, the full form of ATM has been temporarily changed to...
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Aayega To Milega!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
You can deposit your 500 & 1000 notes even after 31 December.
Two banks in Delhi have been specially assigned the task of accepting your notes for as long as it is needed. The two banks are:
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Both the banks of the Yamuna!
NEWS AND POLITICS
2000/- Rs.note are pink in colour. They are girly notes, won't look good in men's hands.
So all of you guys please handover the money to your wife and use blue colour 100 Rs. notes!
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
Today's breaking news from Mumbai dance bars.
The girls are throwing money on customers!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
Whenever you're talking to someone who is really attractive, the odds of you doing something stupid are multiplied by 100!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The actual reason for currency change:
Mahatma Gandi had come into Modi's dream yesterday and said, "Modi Beta Bahut Din Se Maine DP Change Nahi Ki Hai
Boy: Mom Dopehar Aur Raat Ka Tiffin Pack Kar Ke De Do.
Mom: Kaha Ja Raha Hai?
Boy: Bank Ja Raha Hun Note Badalne!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
What will be the first thing Trump will do as President?
Going to kick a black man out of his house!
NEWS AND POLITICS
With ₹1000 & ₹500 notes going out of circulation, kids in India are sad because now relatives will give them less money when they visit!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Abhi ₹1000 Ke Notes Se Petrol Bharaya, Aisa Lag Raha Hai Ki Maano Laash Thikane Laga Di Ho!
NEWS AND POLITICS
When Barack Obama was elected as the US President he was the First Black President.
This time it will be First Blank President!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Isliye Bola Tha Chai Wale Ko PM Mat Banao, 5, 10 Rs. Ke Note Ke Alawa Aur Kuch Samjh Nahi Aata Usko!
~ Rahul Gandhi
NEWS AND POLITICS
A leave application:
Dear Sir,
I have one 500 Rs. note with me, and no bus or auto fellow is accepting it & also it's a bank holiday.
So taking leave till further arrangement!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Samsung isn't the only one recalling Notes this year!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Americans counting votes,
Indians counting notes!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Jayalalithaa has decided to stay in the hospital till 31 Mar 2017, since old currency is acceptable in the hospitals!
Penguins have taken Internet by storm. Humans should catch up; the day is not far away when they take real world too by storm!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After Samsung phones, now Samsung washing machines are exploding.
Samsung is now the third biggest nuclear power after US and Russia!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Cutting down on Rajma Chawal and Mooli Ke Paranthe might bring down air pollution by 50 percent in Delhi!
NEWS AND POLITICS
People asked for a noise free Diwali and Arnab Goswami resigned!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Sidhu Da Scooter Ajj Rahul Gandhi De Ghar De Bahar Dekhya Geya Par Stand Hale V Nahi Lageya Hoya Si!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Everyone accused Arnab Goswami of being a 'Right' winger.
That's why he 'Left'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dear friends,
I would like to take this opportunity to categorically state that the reports appearing in large parts of the media- both print and electronic - to the effect that my name has been shortlisted by the selection board to succeed Cyrus Misty as the chairman of Tata Sons are unfounded, motivated and spread by my business rivals in order to cause panic, both locally and globally. It's a fact, though, that Ratan Tata did call me a couple of times in recent times; but we never discussed the issue of succession. All that we talked about was whether my Tata Sky connection was working properly now.
NEWS AND POLITICS
The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would "hate" to have to make a living under the laws they have passed!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Yesterday at the airport, two Chinese girls & an Indian girl were sitting opposite me.
But I was looking at the Indian girl only.
Boycott means Boycott!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Hope the Chinese do not get to know about our plans to boycott Chinese products.
If they do, they'd mass-produce stickers saying "Boycott Chinese Products" and sell those stickers in India!
Last year on Diwali, Prem was back in Prem Ratan Dhan Payo.
This Diwali, Ratan is back in Tata.
Hopefully next year, Dhan will be back!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ratan Tata returns as the chairman of Tata Group. We should rename Ratan Tata as Return Aata!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The news is that Patanjali will soon enter into the textile business.
These clothes will automatically get folded before you put them in your cupboard!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Did Cyrus say Tata to Tata Sons on his own or was he made to?
That's the Mistry!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Shortest Termination Letter:
October 24, 2016
To,
Mr. Cyrus Mistry
Mumbai
Dear Cyrus,
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TATA!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Trending Tweet:
Kitnae Bhi Badae Aadmi Ban Jao, Job Security Bas Govt. Job Mein Hi Milti Hai!
#Cyrus Mistry
NEWS AND POLITICS
This Diwali, I swear I will not eat Mysore Pak, unless it's re-named Mysore India!
NEWS AND POLITICS
And now Raj Thackeray is wondering which word was it that Fadnavis and the media did not understand.
He thinks he made it very clear that Rs 5 crore was to be paid to the 'SENA'.
So, what is this talk of donating the amount to the Armed Forces Welfare Fund?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Somewhere in Tamil Nadu
Teacher: Why were you absent for 3 days?
Student: Lakshmi died.
Teacher: Who Lakshmi?
Student: My Appa's wife.
Teacher: Why don't you say your Amma died.
Student: If I say Amma died, police will arrest me!
NEWS AND POLITICS
To counter BRICS, Pakistan aligns with Rwanda, Iraq, Congo, Kazakhstan, and Somalia.
They are calling themselves PRICKS!
Earlier, Pierce Brosnan would wait for MI6 orders to go on a mission.
Now he just takes 'Supaaris'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The biggest contribution of Rahul Gandhi to India's progress is that he is unmarried and hasn't produced any more Gandhi!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Pierce Brosnan: Ek Paan Bahar Dena.
Paan Wala: Yeh Lo.
Pierce Brosnan Gives 5 Rs.
Paanwala: Sahab 7.50 Rs. Ka Hai.
Pierce Brosnan: Dhai Another Day!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Men enter politics solely as a result of being unhappily married!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Pakistan Mein Doosra Sabse Zyada Bola Jaane Wala Angrezi Shabd: "Surgical Strike".
Pehla Abhi Bhi Wahi Hai: "Our Boys Played Well"!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
So sad that because of 95% of terrorists, 5% innocent Pakistanis are blamed!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Meanwhile, China has renamed the Indian surgical strike as...
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SUDDEN LEE!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Narendra Modi just extended the Swachcha Bharat Abhiyaan across the border!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Pakistan Stock Exchange is Trading higher, because of the possible merger with Bombay Stock Exchange post-war!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Pakistan files a case in International Court of Justice against Surgical Strikes by India.
Issues raised:
1. Consent for surgery not taken.
2. Counseling about surgery not provided.
3. Anesthesia not given before surgery.
4. Post-Surgical care not provided.
5. Surgeons strike is un-constitutional.
6. Mediclaim refused by the USA.
Dear Pakistani terrorists,
You don't need to cross LOC for getting killed. Army has started home delivery.
Special festive season offer!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Hearing about the surgical strike on Border, Rahul Gandhi said he will support all the surgeons who went on strike!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Now doctors go on strike protesting against the Indian army's entry into the medical profession (surgical strikes)!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Google just turned 18, I've been asking some very inappropriate questions to someone underage for quite awhile!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
Aaj-Kal Poori Delhi Mein "MCD" Ka Raaz Hai.
M = Malaria
C = Chikungunya
D = Dengue
NEWS AND POLITICS
Booking starts for residential plots @Rs.100/- per square feet.
Location: Gandhi Nagar, Lahore, Shastri Park Islamabad and Tilak Marg Rawalpindi.
Booking Open, Possession after the war!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
JOB in Airtel:
Send your resume to careers@airtel.in
Last Date: 30th Dec 2016
Location: Mumbai
Salary: 95,000/- per month
Job Description: To sit on Airtel tower & stop JIO signals!
NEWS AND POLITICS
While Patanjali continues to grow stronger by the day... Pitt-Angelie have collapsed and decided to part ways!
NEWS AND POLITICS
One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Samsung users are going to be like, "Samsung has had this feature for years"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
May your day be just a little bit brighter knowing that even Brad Pitt can get dumped!
May your day be just a little bit brighter knowing that even Brad Pitt can get dumped!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
Brad Pitt cheated on Angelina Jolie. If someone that gorgeous can get cheated on, no one is safe!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After hearing of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's imminent divorce, Baba Ramdev's Patanjali is introducing a new anti-divorce herbal medicine.
He's calling it Pitt-Angeli!
NEWS AND POLITICS
A good tweet worth a thousand words:
They killed my men again. I scared them with my tweets again. #UriAttack
Welcome to #India, the Talking Nation.
For Action, we watch movies!
NEWS AND POLITICS
A high-level meeting in Delhi just concluded.
Tasking has already been done, all the terrorist camps in Pakistan will be targeted simultaneously along with the destruction of nuclear sites. Rahil Sharif and Nawaz Sharif will be abducted in the upcoming movie of Kabeer Khan!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking news:
After Railways' Surge Pricing, Sulabh Shauchalay follows suit!
Introduces more charge for emergency... it will be called 'Urge Pricing'!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
Once Water asked Alcohol, "Why do people love you more than me?"
Alcohol said,"Because, you divide people, I unite them!"
NEWS AND POLITICS / ALCOHOL
Kapil Sharma pays Rs 15 cr tax. And bribes merely 5 lakh! Bahut Na-Insaafi Hai!
Even beggars in India make more than this per day!
He's short changing. Kanjoos. He should be fined a crore and a half. He has dared shame National Bribe Index!
Nautanki Kahin Ka!
NEWS AND POLITICS
IPhone 7 is being launched on September 7. Now I'll finally be able to afford an IPhone.
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IPhone 5!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
Reliance: Jio!
Rest of the Operators: Jeene Do!
After Jio, Next, Ambani will be getting into alcohol business calling it Reliance Pio... where alcohol will be free... only snacks will be charged!
NEWS AND POLITICS / ALCOHOL / FUNNY
@@@If you lie to the government, it's### felony. But if they lie to you, it's politics!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Overnight all Gurgaon property prices increase by 20 percent.
All properties now have a lake view!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Hrithik To Preity Zinta: Socho Ki ###Jheelo Ka Shehar Ho, ####Lehron Mein Apna Ek Ghar Ho...
Preity : Oh you mean, you want a house in Gurugram!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Customer: One regular thin crust ###vegetable pizza.
Executive: May I know your address?
Customer: 124th car on the exit 8, Delhi-Gurgaon road!
NEWS### AND POLITICS
Gurugram's ###chowks should be### renamed and called chokes now.
Examples: Signature Tower Choke,
Hero Honda Choke,
Iffco Choke,
Kataria Choke,
Badshahpur Choke,
Rajiv Choke,
Gurugram Renamed As Gurujam
NEWS AND POLITICS
Sidhu resigned### from Rajya Sabha, to join AAP.
Another example of a person quitting a full-time job and joining Startup!
NEWS AND POLITICS
BREXIT in JUNE helped MAY ###to become the Prime Minister in JULY in the AUGUST presence of the Queen!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Stress Buster on Smriti Irani's exit from the HRD Ministry...
Aaj Phir Ek Beti Ke Haath Se ###Kitaab Chheen Kar Silai Machine Thama Di Gayi Hai!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The United States and Britain are having a competition on who can f**k themselves up the most.
Britain is in the lead, but ###America has a Trump Card
Breaking News: Heads begin to roll in the BJP. Modi is dropping
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his tailor!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dilliwallahs are so ignorant. "Puran Bahumat" is 36/70 seats, not 70/70!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Changing Times:
Now all BJP MLAs can now fit in an Innova!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Delhi Elections:
Earlier Congress 8. By this trend, next time BJP will get 0 seats!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After scoring 49 in the first innings, AAP has been asked to follow-on. Good match!
NEWS AND POLITICS
BJP should begin preparations for Kiran Bedi's "Ghar Wapsi" and send her home!
NEWS AND POLITICS
As an Indian citizen it is our duty while following "Clean India" campaign, not to throw garbage in the Assembly.
Vote Sensibly!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Arnab Goswami's son is reported to have tattooed on his arm:
"Mera Baap Shor Hai"!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left - instead of right or wrong!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Obama cancels the visit to Taj Mahal to attend Saudi King Abdullah's funeral.
King Abdullah was a bigger monument of Love as he had 22 beautiful wives!
Modi starts his 9th month, expected to deliver very soon!
NEWS AND POLITICS
BJP launched Kiran Bedi (KB) as Delhi CM candidate.
RAHUL GANDHI is thinking of bringing in Mandira Bedi (MB) as Delhi CM.
LOGIC
1 MB = 1024 KB
NEWS AND POLITICS
At least, the Tigers have followed Sakshi Maharaj's advice and produced four kids per family hence leading to a huge increase in Tiger Population!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Modi should send Sakshi Maharaj home. That would fulfill not only the 'Ghar Wapsi' campaign but also the 'Clean India' campaign!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Forget Delhi Police and the CBI. The only ones who can solve the Sunanda Pushkar murder are Subramanian Swamy and Times Now.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Every Hindu woman must produce 4 children.
~ Sakshi Maharaj
Ab Bachhe Din Aane Waale Hain!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY / HINGLISH
Why Punjabis can't have > 2 kids:
1. New car every 3 years
2. Vacation every 3 months
3. New ladies suit every 3 weeks
4. Same old Wife for life!
NEWS AND POLITICS / PINGLISH / FUNNY
Amit Shah gets clean chit:
BJP has found the way to de-criminalize their party. All investigative agencies will be advised to summarily drop all charges!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Avian Flu - Chandigarh Police arrests many husbands while taking their wives forcefully towards Sukhna Lake!
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often, they get elected!
Forget about bringing Black Money from abroad;
Let's first try to bring back our PM from abroad!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Acchhe Din Aa Gaye... IRCTC Subah 10 Baje Khulte Hi - 2 Minute Mein SERVICE DOWN Status Aa Jaata Tha... Abb 1 Minute Mein Hi Aa Jaata Hai!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
If the person you are trying to diagnose politically is some sort of intellectual,
The chances are two to one he is a Democrat.
NEWS AND POLITICS
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhea and stomach pain.
A kind of feeling that a husband gets when he sees his wife going through his phone!
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
Some men change their party for the sake of their principles;
Others change their principles for the sake of their party!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Just heard the news - Nobel for Jayalalitha...
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I almost fainted.
Later, when I heard it again...
it was NO BAIL for Jayalalitha!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I saved Rs.40000 on Flipkart...
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As all items which I wanted to buy were out of stock!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Jayalalitha demanded bail on Health ground;
But she was denied it on Wealth ground!
Because
Health = Wealth
NEWS AND POLITICS
Obama is simply surprised at India's PM:
Jo Aadmi Pani Pi Ke Itna Bolta Hai Socho... Woh Daaru Pi Ke Kitna Bolega!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
We, Indians have a plenty of confidence in this country;
But we are a little short of good men to place our confidence in
Chinese Premier Xi Jinping's wife was very happy coming to India. She got so emotional when she observed that all men are not the same!
NEWS AND POLITICS
At dinner, after Gujarati main course, Narendra Modi to Xi Jinping: Now, let's have some dessert.
Xi Jinping: What have we been eating for the last one hour?
NEWS AND POLITICS
HUMBLE APPEAL:
He has served us Beer when we were Sad or Happy. And now he badly needs our help.
Please save Vijay Mallya by
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ADOPTING at least ONE Kingfisher Air-hostess!
NEWS AND POLITICS
People who post their videos of taking Ice Bucket Challenge are usually the same people who ask you not to play 'Holi' to save water!
NEWS AND POLITICS
In today's India:
Sound is measured in 'Arnabs';
Laughter in 'Sidhus';
Silence in 'Manmohans';
And 'Stupidity' in 'Digvijays'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I have been doing the Ice Bucket Challenge for a long time... but
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the ice finishes after a few drinks!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ice Bucket Challenge is fine... but an 8 piece KFC Bucket Challenge sounds more interesting!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Modi's dream for prosperous India:
India ko Banana Republic se Republic Banana Padega!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
If Arnab Goswani and Dolly Bindra get married... their kids would be the most advanced sound system ever built on our planet!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Smriti Irani's Educational Qualification:
Under the new HRD guidelines, students will either Pass or Yale!
Dedicated to another Petrol Price Hike:
The days are not too far, when our take home salary won't be enough to take us home!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The general expectation is that the semi-final line-up will be
B: Brazil
A: Argentina
N: Netherlands
G: Germany.
So the World Cup will in all probability end with a B.A.N.G.
NEWS AND POLITICS / SPORTS
Look at Congress optimism!
Even with 44 seats, they still have a High Command.
What is it high on?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ladies have taken out a big Morcha at Ghatkopar Metro Reliance Office in Mumbai... protesting the start of Metro as their husbands now reach home 2 hours early and they do not get time for Whatsapp!
NEWS AND POLITICS / WHATSAPP
Rail Fare Hike:
Well, if our trains cannot be world class, at least our train fares can be!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Something really bizarre:
Buddha left home for a higher calling leaving behind his wife named Yashodhara.
Mahavir left for a higher calling leaving his wife named Yashoda.
Modi left home on a higher calling leaving his wife named Yashodaben!
NEWS AND POLITICS / INTERESTING
The Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
The temperature at more than 44 degree Celsius in North India beats the number of Congress MPs in Lok Sabha!
NEWS AND POLITICS / WEATHER
Weather News: Dust storms in Delhi!
Reason discovered:
Modi and his ministerial colleagues dusting off all the UPA files!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After the success of "Coffee with Karan", the TV Channels are planning to start:
Tea with Namo,
Horlicks with Raga
and
Cough Syrup with Arvind!
Advice by Modi to Kejriwal:
Never resign from the job till you get a new one!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Discussion in Tihar Jail:
Kejriwal: Most of my people did not get back their deposits.
Subroto Roy Sahara: Most of mine, too!
Both: LOL Bro!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The most humble person in this world is Manohar. He is a Director of 6 Companies but still drives Nitin Gadkari's car!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rahul Gandhi needs to marry now. With a mother, you are always in the ruling party. Only a wife can teach you how to survive in the opposition!
NEWS AND POLITICS
AAP is so broke after losing record deposits in the elections,they can't afford 10,000 rupees to pay Kejriwal's bail!
NEWS AND POLITICS
2014 Indian General Election Results:
Now the parents would be in a dilemma whether to send their kids to a tea-vendor to make them Modi; or send them to an IIT to make them Kejriwal!
NEWS AND POLITICS / EDUCATION
Just an Observation:
If you start from Nariman Point, Mumbai, you would have to travel upto Ludhiana to find a Congress MP!
NEWS AND POLITICS
It's difficult to comprehend politics. Rahul Gandhi was smiling after losing and Modi was crying after winning!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Shatrugan Sinha would be the perfect person to be the new Speaker of Lok Sabha.
Imagine the effect when he utters the word 'Khamosh'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Bhagwant Mann Win:
We live in a country where we take our comedians seriously and our politicians as a joke
400+ AAP people lost deposit!
They wanted the state to fund political parties. Instead they've become a political party that funds the state!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Finally, Congress has succeeded in removing the Chief Minister of Gujarat. A major achievement after 13 years!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Some people claim that Manmohan Singh is a true Sikh. He took revenge of 1984 riots by finishing Congress!
Singh is King!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rahul Gandhi can still be the next Prime Minister. With 44 Congress MPs supported by 0 BSP members, the total can be now read as 440!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Forget Tigers, Save Congress!
Because Tigers left in India are 1411 and Congress... only 44!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Good news for Congress for winning under 50 seats. They can now
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make a Whatsapp group without leaving any Lok Sabha MP out!
NEWS AND POLITICS / WHATSAPP
General elections 2014:
India is a unique nation.
Earlier it didn't have government;
And now it doesn't have opposition!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Arnab Goswami: BJP got 289.
Alia Bhat: In how many overs?
NEWS AND POLITICS / BOLLYWOOD
NaMo: India has won!
Alia Bhatt: Was there a match today?
NEWS AND POLITICS / BOLLYWOOD
Had Rahul Gandhi lost from Amethi to Smriti Irani, he would have proven beyond doubt that he's serious about women empowerment!
BJP alone 73 in UP and Congress alone 43 in India!
There is also a Rahul wave in the country. India is waving goodbye!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Lessons for Indian General Elections 2014:
Dear Parents,
When you force your child into a profession against his interest, he emulates Rahul Gandhi!
NEWS AND POLITICS / INTERESTING
News: Rahul doesnot attend Manmohan Singh's farewell Dinner hosted by Sonia!
Actually, Rahul is angry with Manmohan Uncle for leaving the PM's chair to someone else!
NEWS AND POLITICS
3 heros of BJP's landslide victory in 2014 General Elections:
1. Narendra Modi
2. Amit Shah
3. Rahul Gandhi
NEWS AND POLITICS
Lessons from 2014 General Elections:
Modi: Single
Rahul: Single
Mamta: Single
Jaylalitha: Single
Mayawati: Single
Only single persons can change the future of country. The married can't even change the TV channels without the consent of their spouse!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I think LK Advani should be made the next President of India. Every Republic Day, he'll get to ride a Rath, too!
~Tweet by Ramesh Srivats
NEWS AND POLITICS
BJP in UP: 71 seats
Congress Total: 46 seats
BJP won by 25 Seats and 28 States!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Forget my career, my mom is worried about Rahul Gandhi's future!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Namo Namo
Congress Svaha!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Just In:
Narendra Modi is the Maxwell of Indian Political League
The election results prove that Namo is the Rajinikanth of Politics!
NEWS AND POLITICS / RAJINIKANTH
Breaking News:
Congress orders enquiry against all 46 MPs for winning despite Modi Wave!
~ Omar Abdullah
NEWS AND POLITICS
The Cricket frenzy Indians are bent on beating Chris Gayle's record of 333 by giving 334 to NDA!
NEWS AND POLITICS / CRICKET
Indian General Elections Results:
BJP: 285
Cong: 43
AAP: 4
Air Bus for BJP, a Railway Compartment for Congress and a Car for AAP!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
BJP leaders searching Rahul Gandhi to...
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thank him for their victory!
NEWS AND POLITICS
BREAKING NEWS:
Congress needs 42 more to avoid follow on!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Karan Johar's next movie:
Congress Wale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge aur BJP Waale Government!
NEWS AND POLITICS
2014 Indian General Elections have proved one thing, beyond any doubt - A Gujju can do anything to get a US Visa!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Indian General Elections 2014:
Tiger Shroff's movie release has been put off by a week to May 23 because of election results. May 16 would mark 'Heropanti' for someone else!
NEWS AND POLITICS / BOLLYWOOD
Considering Modi's comment on Priyanka being more like a daughter... whosoever makes the government, Robert Vadra would remain the son-in-law!
That awkward moment when you realise even Digvijay Singh has a girlfriend but you don't!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Our Textile Industry is broke but the Media more than makes up with its spinning and weaving of tales!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I am starting a party called IRCTC. Nobody will be given a ticket or seat!
NEWS AND POLITICS / INTERESTING
Dr. Manmohan Singh: I don't have anything to hide.
Sunny Leone: Same here!
NEWS AND POLITICS / BOLLYWOOD
Indian politicians at a glance.
Mulayam: Ladkon se Galti ho Jaati hai!
ND Tiwari: Galti se Ladke ho Jaate hein!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rajat Sharma's interview of Modi:
Match fixing, spot fixing and now "Interview fixing"... Incredible India!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Manmohan Singh's wife may file a case against him for... "Domestic Silence"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Indians are so incompetent that... rulers come from Italy and voters from Bangladesh!
NEWS AND POLITICS
PA: MJ is joining BJP.
RaGa: Michael Jackson is alive?
PA: Arre sir... MJ Akbar.
RaGa: So you mean, Akbar is alive?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Honesty in politics is much like oxygen - the higher a politician goes, the scarcer it becomes!
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign with the funds from the rich, by promising to protect them from each other!
NEWS AND POLITICS
My bargain to my opponents.
If you stop telling lies about me;
I'll stop telling the truth about you!
NEWS AND POLITICS
1st phase of IPL 7 in UAE:
Please enjoy the matches... fixed toh Aapki Shadi bhi thi!
NEWS AND POLITICS / CRICKET
Bad representatives are elected by good citizens who do not vote!
NEWS AND POLITICS / WISE WORDS
Gujarat Govt. may discontinue "Kuchh Din To Gujaariye Gujarat Mein" campaign, after Arvind Kejriwal decides to canvass there!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Honesty in politics is much like oxygen.
The higher up you go, the scarcer it becomes!
NEWS AND POLITICS
For the first time in Indian elections, Congress and BJP are campaigning using the same slogan:
"Congress Ko Vote Doge, To Rahul PM Banega!"
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
Breaking News:
Arvind Kejriwal will not sit on any Dharna today!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Politics is the art of looking for trouble;
Finding it - whether it exists or not;
Diagnosing it quite incorrectly;
And applying the wrong remedy!
NEWS AND POLITICS
19 Billion Dollars were "Last seen at" Mark Zuckerburg's account!
Now Mark Zuckerberg should take over Twitter to complete this WTF trilogy.
NEWS AND POLITICS / FACEBOOK / WHATSAPP
Arvind Kejriwal was sworn in on 28th December and he quit on 14th February. This, short burst belligerent period shall now be remembered as AK-47!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Azam Khan has bought a very expensive car. It is called "Mercedes Bhainz"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I just want AAP's govt to last for at least six months. Not really for Delhi's development and improvement... but I just want to see whether this man removes his 'muffler' in the month of June!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Kejriwal is so honest that he went for DNA test before writing his dad's name on high school form!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Delhi world's most polluted city: Study
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Had to be... with all the politicians of India living in it!
NEWS AND POLITICS
PA: Sir, Kejriwal ne Paani free kar diya.
Raga: Pata hai, 700 meter.
PA: Sir, meter nahi liter.
Raga: Lekin news thi ki meter se hi milega!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After seeing Rahul Gandhi's interview by Arnab Goswami, one may not know who will win but one can safely conclude for sure who's not gonna win!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Arvind Kejriwal likes Shakira's hips, because they don't lie!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The government has diverted the attention of the Indians from key issues to... checking the expiry date of 'Currency' notes!
Arvind Kejriwal is so honest that he never skips youtube ads!
NEWS AND POLITICS
First Shashi Tharoor lost External Affairs ministry because of Sunanda.
Now he loses Sunanda because of external affairs!
NEWS AND POLITICS
My auto-rickshaw driver asked me, "Sir, Aage signal se Arvind Kejriwal karoonga"!
I asked him to clarify... and he said smiling, "I meant U-Turn, Sir"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Kejriwal is so honest that he cooks Maggi noodles only for 2 minutes!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dear Arvind Kejriwal,
Stop doing such Nautankis... let the status quo of corruption continue as it is!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dear Delhites,
You are so lucky. You got to choose from Harshvardhan or Kejriwal... whereas we always get either Mayawati or Mulayam.
Your Neighbours,
UPites!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Now if AAP wants to make a stunning debut in Punjab, they should offer
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at least 70 litres free liquor every year!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Finally, Congress fulfills the promise made via a slogan in 2004 to the electorate:
Congress ka Haath;
Aam Aadmi ke Saath!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Everybody is running after "Name and Fame and Money".
Arvind Kejriwal left all this for a cause... now "Name and Fame and Money are running after him!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Inflation is cutting money in half without damaging the paper!
Girl 1: Didi, Arvind Kejriwal ka SMS aaya hai, samajh nahin aa raha YES karun ya NO!
Girl 2: Awww kar de!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Till now, we thought maids were only capable of creating confusion amongst ladies or neighbours. Two top democracies are now at loggerheads - courtesy confusion created by a maid!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Now, SP offers Devyani Khobragade a Lok Sabha ticket.
Come on, she just committed a visa fraud. She's not that big a criminal!
NEWS AND POLITICS
News: Congress agrees to all 18 demands made by Arvind Kejriwal
Now, he can quickly make 18 more demands!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rahul: Which city is this?
PA: Sir, Bikaner. Rahul: But that is in Delhi.
PA: Sir, that is Bikaner Sweets.
Rahul: So is this salted!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The "Chain Smokers" should start to donate their lungs to the government. So that the govt. can squeeze tar from them to complete pending road projects of India!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Most of the media people and Bollywood people are supporting Gays because maximum Gays are in media and Bollywood only!
NEWS AND POLITICS / BOLLYWOOD
Delhi election results have made History... a male has beaten a female with a broom!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Tring tring.
Sheila: Hello?
Rahul: What is the reason for your defeat?
Sheila: Sirji, AAP!
NEWS AND POLITICS
2013 Delhi election results:
BAAP : 34
AAP : 26
PAAP : 8
The power of social media:
From Facebook wall to Kejriwal.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Tring Tring...
Operator: This Is Packets and Movers. Who's this?
Caller: This is Sheila Dikshit!
NEWS AND POLITICS
RIP
Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela
Former President of South Africa
Birth: July 18, 1918, Mvezo, South Africa
Died: December 5, 2013, Johannesburg, South Africa
NEWS AND POLITICS
RIP
Nelson Mandela
Former President Of South Africa
(July 18,1918 - December 05,2013)
NEWS AND POLITICS
The Iron Lady (Margaret Thatcher) is dead.
Iron Man (LK Advani) is almost out of business.
And Manmohan Singh still rules.
You see this is not the Age of Iron. It's Iron Age or rather the Age of Irony!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Modi: Don't vote for Arvind Kejriwal. He back-stabbed Anna Hazare.
LK Advani: I agree!
NEWS AND POLITICS
If the US govt is Uncle Sam, our govt should be named Uncle Scam!
NEWS AND POLITICS
What do you call a person who tries to get friendly too quickly?
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Tej-pal!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Somewhere between Burqa of Secularism and the Khaki Shorts of Communalism... people have completely forgotten to wear the "Hat of Wisdom"!
NEWS AND POLITICS / PEOPLE
Climbing stairs is a good exercise.
Earlier stairs helped to burn calories, now it prevents molestation too!
Say No to Lifts/Elevators... take the staircase!
Issued in Public Interest!
Indian roads are specially designed so that a pregnant lady can have a "free delivery". Thus, we keep our promise as per our election manifesto.
Sincerely,
Government
NEWS AND POLITICS
First Tarun Tejpal followed them on Twitter. Now he has got new friend requests on Facebook from them.
They are Asaram Bapu, Narayan Sai and ND Tiwari!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Hoax news:
The Thailand government has decided to award "Bangkok Ratna" to Asaram Bapu!
NEWS AND POLITICS
One party is supported by India Inc. Another is supported by
India Ink!
NEWS AND POLITICS
With rising inflation, Ink has become the cheapest thing to throw on politicians replacing eggs, tomatoes and shoes!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Indians are progressing. Earlier, we used to throw shoes at politicians, now we have moved to Ink!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ink throwing incident
Kejriwal caught off-guard as he didn't have any ink-ling of the action!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The guy who threw ink on Arvind Kejriwal took "The pen is mightier than the sword" a bit too seriously!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Who is Amit Shah's favorite rapper?
Snoop Dogg!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I can accept for 'Krrish 3', 'Dhoom 3', 'Golmaal 3' and even 'Ek Thi Daayan 3';
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But I cannot accept 'UPA 3' at any cost!
Open letter:
Dear Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi,
If you really have the intention to know about the problems of a common man... then the first thing you should do is "Get Married"!
Sincerely,
Commmon Man
NEWS AND POLITICS / MARRIAGE
Asaram is one of those lucky guys who can brag that his son "Narayan Prem Sai" went on him!
NEWS AND POLITICS / FUNNY
Breaking News:
Confusion on gold digging resolved!
The seer in Unnao clarified that he only wanted to sleep in the temple. He had said, "Mandir Mein Sona Hai"!
NEWS AND POLITICS / HINGLISH
News: Blackberry Messenger on Android
Another messenger to talk to the same people, it's like buying five remotes for the same TV!
NEWS AND POLITICS / INTERESTING
Dear Indians,
Due to the economic crisis, to save on energy costs the lights at the end of the tunnel will be switched off.
Sincerely,
God
NEWS AND POLITICS / INTERESTING
There was a time when people cried only while chopping onions... now they cry even while buying onions!
NEWS AND POLITICS
At one point, Vijay Mallya had piles of cash.
Now the Cash has gone and only the Piles remain.
This condition is medically called King Fissure!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Golden rule: If most of the politicians are against something, that thing must be good for the public!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Hoax News:
Asaram is reported sick in jail.
Probably, there is a shortage of Vitamin She!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Priyanka Gandhi: Dear, I need some space in our relationship.
Robert Vadra: Ok dear, How about Sector 62 and 63 in NOIDA. I hope it is enough for you!
LK Advani once asked Aryabhata about his chances of becoming PM.
That was the day when Aryabhata invented 'Zero'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Who says "Friday the 13th" is nothing but a superstition.
Delhi Rape Case culprits to be hanged.
Sreesanth banned for life.
LK Advani loses sight on PMship for good!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Simple rule - If there's a ministry for it, there'll be a scam in it!
NEWS AND POLITICS
ND Tiwari and Asaram Bapu are the only 2 individuals who are unhappy after passing their tests!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rs 17,000 crore Railway scam? Can we call it Churchgate?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Seeing the current scenario in India, we need to change the names of the leading newspapers to
Jokesatta
Jungsatta
Hindustan Crimes
The Indian Depress
The Bad Times of India
Dainik Torture and
DNA (Do Not Ask)!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Mr Rupee, how do you respond to all the jokes made on you?
Mr Rupee: I don't appreciate!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Women staying home after 8 PM can prevent rape.
Closing petrol pumps at 8 PM can save petrol.
I think our politicians are high on 8 PM!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dear Onion, Dollar and Petrol;
No matter how much you rise day in and day out, I'll always never change.
Sincerely Yours,
Salary!
NEWS AND POLITICS
What does 1$ buy you today?
Masala Dosa and Coke.
What does 1 Rupee buy you?
Only a video on Airtel showing how to cook the Masala Dosa!
New word being considered to be incorporated in Oxford Dictionary:
Man-mohan- ed: Verb
Meaning: Silenced by a lady, especially by the self assumed more powerful woman...
Used as: My wife and I had an argument; she yelled and I Manmohaned!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Law, without force, is impotent.
~ Blaise Pascal
Law is impotent, I am the force.
~ Asaram Rascal
NEWS AND POLITICS
Teacher: Why the Jain community is generally very rich?
Student: Ma'm, it's because they don't eat onions!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Food Security Bill passed.
'Food' for the Poor;
'Security' for the Congress;
And 'Bill' for the Tax-payers!
NEWS AND POLITICS
DLF: Developing Little Farmers!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Sonia Gandhi was admitted to AIIMS some days back. Doctors said it was a case of 'NaMonia'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
It's always been:
Thin Crust Pizza of Italy vs. Khakra Papad of Gujaratis.
Today, it's true of even India's politics!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I really wanted to crack a joke on 'Rupee'... but that would be really cheap!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Gurgaon should be renamed Jamaica since most of the land is "Jamai Ka"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ever since there's been a spurt in Onion price, my wife makes me
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"Chicken No Pyaza"!
The currency whose name ends with 'PEE' was bound to fall!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Every man is Narendra Modi before marriage and Manmohan Singh after marriage!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Jain girls are in high demand for getting married by eligible bachelors because they know how to cook food without Onions...
NEWS AND POLITICS
Pound took affront to continuous comparison of Indian Rupee to US Dollar. As a result, it quietly moved to more than Rs 100 to the Rupee!
NEWS AND POLITICS
There are three type of ions:
Cations: Positively charged ions
Anions: Negatively charged ions
Onions: Expensively charged ions
NEWS AND POLITICS
Please give way to vehicles carrying sick people, including politicians!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Today, Rupee should tie a Rakhi to US Dollar and ask for unconditional support and protection!
NEWS AND POLITICS
US Dollar almost touches 64:
Exporters meet at Hotel Taj;
And Importers meet at Apollo Heart Institute!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dollar on escalator;
Rupee on ventilator!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Forget 50% off season sale on Zara, Mango or Vero Moda .
I am waiting for my local vegetable vendor to announce sale on Tomatoes, Onions, Potatoes, etc.
For the first time in the history of India, Necessity, Comfort and Luxury are available at the same price.
Onions Rs. 75
Petrol Rs. 75
Beer Rs. 75 Thanx Government
NEWS AND POLITICS
Congress wants to ban jokes;
BJP wants to ban meat;
Anna is against alcohol;
And Ramdev preaches against drug abuse.
Isn't this Discrimination against PUNJABIS in general?
NEWS AND POLITICS
TV channels are showing "Aashiqui 2" on Independence Day. So be prepared to be shown 'Border' on' Valentines' day!
NEWS AND POLITICS
News: Sand prices in Noida up 60% in a year and onion prices up 45% in 2 weeks in Delhi.
And we were stupid enough to invest in land and buildings!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Indians are so incompetent that rulers come from Italy and voters from Bangladesh!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The Indian Parliament should be pronounced as the INDIAN ARLIAENT because the PM is silent!
NEWS AND POLITICS
India is a developing country. Proof:
1. Soon we'll surpass China in terms of population.
2. Soon we'll surpass US in number of states!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The big question:
Who'll get the patent of Hyderabadi Biryani!
NEWS AND POLITICS
I told my wife, I have 12 rupees... Let's go out for dinner tonight.
She printed a "Congress Symbol" on my face!
NEWS AND POLITICS
McDonald's to introduce 2 new burgers:
Rs. 12 McBabbar
Rs. 5 McRashid
We are Hatin'it...
By naming the royal baby as George Alexander Louis, Britain outshone USA by not naming it after a fruit, plant or direction!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Considering Queen Elizabeth's health, Prince Charles and Prince William will have to contend with Baby Prince's crowning as the heir to the throne!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After Salman-SRK patch-up and its media coverage, it's safe to arrive at the conclusion that the biggest problem of our country is solved...
Now only small problems like corruption, inflation, depreciating rupee and increasing population remain to be addressed!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rs 5 to hear Narendra Modi's speech wasn't a bad deal at all, considering the nation is paying a huge price for Manmohan Singh's silence!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Finally, the first arrest in Bofors case. Cardiac Arrest of Quattrocci!
NEWS AND POLITICS
When one door closes another opens.
Perfect example:
Cheer leaders banned in 20-20. Dance bars to re-open in Maharashtra!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Employee to his boss, "Sir, when petrol prices increased, I remained quiet.
Dollar price increased during summer break, I kept mum.
Then it was the turn of vegetables prices, I still maintained my calmness.
But now, Dance Bars are reopening, I can't really remain silent. I need a salary hike!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Supreme Court has allowed Dance Bars to reopen in Mumbai and Maharashtra so that people don't waste precious forex in Pattaya and Bangkok!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Supreme Court: Dance bars to open in Mumbai:
Now Pappu can dance, Sala!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Our politicians are also like football players. However, their goal is not the post but the polls!
Manmohaneconomics:
Dollar, Diesel, Daaru, Doodh and Dudhi (Lauki)
Everything @ Rs. 60/-
NEWS AND POLITICS
When UPA II came to power,
Rupee was trading at around Rahul's age.
Now it is trading at Sonia's age.
And the way things are going, don't be surprised if it soon trades at Manmohan Singh's age!
NEWS AND POLITICS
The Indian government is contemplating to raise the retirement age considering Rupee's frequent flirtation with the 60 mark!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Only sane people wear DOLLAR or EURO brand underwears because they know that RUPA is very risky - it may go down anytime!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Earthquake - Call the army
Floods - Call the army
Terrorist attack - Call the army
A child stuck in a borewell - Call the army
and
When it's opening ceremony, festival, Award Function, etc. -
Call politicians, actors, police or bureaucrats!
NEWS AND POLITICS
If you're feeling low in life, remember that Rupee is at its lifetime low!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Thanks to GMR and heavy rains:
Grounded Kingfisher flights can finally start sailing from the Delhi airport!
NEWS AND POLITICS
JD(U) had a true marriage with BJP. That's the only plausible reason for its realising after 17 years that it was sleeping with the 'Enemy'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
With the hike in the petrol price by Rs 2, you would not be able to see the video of Baba ji or Kareena!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Why don't politicians like playing Golf?
Because it's too much like their work: trapped in one bad lie after another!
The only time the Indian Rupee goes up these days is... during a toss!
NEWS AND POLITICS
For LK Advani, it's almost "Go Goa Gone"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Another South Indian, Mahankali emerges Winner of Scripps National Spelling Bee 2013
Most winners of Spelling Bee are South Indians as they become adept in spellings while writing their full names for years.
NEWS AND POLITICS
RIP
Jiah Khan
Bollywood Actress
(February 20, 1988 - June 3, 2013)
NEWS AND POLITICS
GDP back to 5%!
Dalmiya back in Cricket...
Narayan Murthy back in INFY...
Madhuri Dixit back in Dance...
Are we going back to mid 90s?
Then by same logic, isn't BJP coming back to power again!
NEWS AND POLITICS
IPl 6 Spot-fixing:
Tell the truth or someone will tell it for you. The same is happening with N. Srinivasan!
NEWS AND POLITICS
80 Crores spent on Ads in Delhi based papers to remember Rajiv Gandhi...
Then opposition says that economy is in bad shape. Liars!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Chinese prime minister visits India for 3 days
As far I know, Chinese products don't last for more than two days!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Such travesty...
While the great Dara Singh represented Hanuman, his son Vindoo Dara Singh represents Middleman!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Shah Rukh Khan, Subroto Roy and GMR planning to sell their IPL teams at OLX!
Rahul Dravid is the new Manmohan Singh. An honest and respectful person leading the most corrupt team!
NEWS AND POLITICS
After the betting expose, people are still watching IPL - now you know the reason as to why Congress keeps coming back to power!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Belated Happy Mother's day to Mr. Manmohan Singh!
Why? Because he is forever MUM!
NEWS AND POLITICS
It'll be ironical if Pawan Bansal escapes Railgate and fixed by Maneka Gandhi for sacrificing a goat!
Tweet
~ Suhel Seth
NEWS AND POLITICS
Now even Pawan Bansal will have to log on to the irctc site to book a ticket like anyone else. That's some punishment!
NEWS AND POLITICS
We live in a nation where singing against Rapes, Corruptions, Scams and Murders is an outrage; but walking out when our National Song is being played is a trivial act!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
An outlet of Mainland China opens at Leh!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ram eliminated Ravan (R=R)
Krishna eliminated Kansa (K=K)
Godse eliminated Gandhi (G=G)
Obama eliminated Osama (O=O)
.
..
Is there gonna be some connection between Corruption and Congress (C=C)?
NEWS AND POLITICS
So the Samsung Galaxy S4 is revealed...
Apple will now sue Samsung for spelling 4S backwards!
NEWS AND POLITICS
"ETIHAD buys stake in JET AIRWAYS."
Let's hope that they don't rename the airline as 'JEHAD'!
Kasab shouldn't have been hanged. He should have been left in Delhi wearing a frock.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Rahul Dravid aged 39 is called 'Old' and has retired from active Cricket. Whereas Rahul Gandhi aged 40, is called 'Young' is yet to take plunge in active politics!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Pakistan's interim head is 84 years old and has Alzheimers.
Why does Pakistan imitate India only in bad things?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Dear Pervez Musharraf,
This is Pakistan. After completing shoe throwing level, the player will reach Level 2, which may have grenades!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Considering SC's verdict, Samajwadi Party to appeal for amnesty to Sanjay Dutt to stop communal forces from coming to power.
NEWS AND POLITICS
The Government of India updated its relationship status with DMK as "It's complicated"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Akhilesh denies UP is a 'soft' state. He insists that it's a Mulayam state instead.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Thank God, there are hardly any Elections in Pakistan. Otherwise before hanging, Kasab would have been sent back to Pakistan to cast his vote!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Nirbhay Missile fails to hit target:
The cruise missile Nirbhay would not have failed if it had been launched from Arnab Goswami's mouth.
NEWS AND POLITICS
IIPM launches Diploma in Online Content Blocking.
White House receptionist to the president Obama, "Sir, someone has been calling time and again but not speaking anything".
Obama: Wish him "Namaste"! He must be Manmohan Singh from India!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Let's all observe a 2 minute silence for those unpaid "Kingfisher Airlines" employees who were watching "Royal Challengers Bangalore" splurge money on players at the IPL auction!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Strange is the judicial system, which rejects an Army Chief's school certificate but admits and accepts a rapist's!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Who says there is no PEACE in Pakistan! Look at it from my viewpoint:
.
..
...
There's no better PIECE in Pakistan than Hina Rabbani!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Nitin Gadkari to Rajnath Singh, "Congratulations, Rajnath ji! Please tell me if you need a driver. Mine is free these days".
NEWS AND POLITICS
Who said money cannot buy everything? Tiger Woods tried to win back his ex-wife with $200m deal and she said 'YES'!
NEWS AND POLITICS
What's the big deal with Barack Obama being sworn in twice! My wife swears at me all the time.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Anil Kumble joins Mumbai Indians as chief mentor.
First he loses the airline, now he loses Anil Kumble. What is it with Mallya and Jumbos?
~ Ramesh Srivats
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Pak PM's lawyers assure him that he has the right to remain silent.
"Look at Manmohan Singh", they say.
NEWS AND POLITICS
USA: If you attack us, we will attack you.
ISRAEL: If you attack us, we will demolish you.
INDIA: If you attack us, we will not play Cricket with you
What must we do with Pakistan? Other than sending Owaisi, Asaram and Abu Azmi there to destroy them!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Week 1: Congress loses a lot of ground by doing nothing.
Week 2: Congress gains a lot of ground by saying nothing.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Raj Thackeray: Bhaiyya is the problem
Asaram Bapu: Bhaiyya is the solution
Thus implying that "One man's meat is another man's poison".
Latin Proverb
NEWS AND POLITICS
It won't be surprising if all the future panelists of "The Newshour" start addressing Arnab Goswami as 'Bhaiyya'.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Aren't both Raj Thackeray and Asaram Bapu saying the same thing
.
..
...
calling the rapists, BHAIYYA!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Shiney Ahuja is the biggest fan of Mohan Bhagwat. He doesn't differentiate between the maid and the wife.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Looking at his energy level, it won't be surprising if Revital drops Salman Khan and signs Arnab Goswami as the next brand ambassador.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking News:
Javed Miandad cancels India trip. To apply for Bharat visa instead.
NEWS AND POLITICS
It's so cold in Delhi today that even the politicians have their hands in their own pockets.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Family rule, sluggish economy & Cricket thrashings from Pakistan. Who says you can't travel back in time?
If the govt. can send the victim to Singapore for better treatment, it should send the accused to Dubai for better justice!
NEWS AND POLITICS
When Modi talks in Gujarati, "he is a regional leader".
He speaks in Hindi, "he has Delhi in mind".
If he doesn't talk, "why the hell he is trying copy the PM?"
NEWS AND POLITICS
Unfortunately, in the current scenario, the dominant blood group in India is "B negative".
NEWS AND POLITICS
Don't Forget:
If boy is a gem then girl is a pearl;
So please don't decimate it's brilliance for carnal instincts!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Raping a girl is the first sign of impotency!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Neither womb nor world, then which is the safest place for girls?
NEWS AND POLITICS
India's PM Dr. Manmohan Singh addressed a rally in Gujarat.
When Narendra Modi was asked to comment on it, he smiled wryly and said, "Everything works better in Gujarat. See! Even Dr. Manmohan Singh spoke"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
RIP
Pandit Ravi Shankar
Sitar Maestro
(Aril 07, 1920- December 11, 2012)
NEWS AND POLITICS
Pepsi bags IPL contract
For making almost 400 crore, it should be "BCCI bags Pepsi"!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Breaking news:
Two girls in Pakistan arrested for liking status of Ajmal Kasab's hanging.
Breaking News:
The mosquito that bit Ajmal Kasab files a complaint against the Indian Government for taking credit.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Balasaheb Thackeray and Yash Copra probably convinced Yamraj to take out Ajmal Kasab!
NEWS AND POLITICS
One of my bombs didn't explode. So my Mom is not going to feed me Mutton Biryani today.
Ajmal Kasab as a kid
NEWS AND POLITICS
Why the secrecy on Kasab's hanging:
Was he hanged or he died of dengue?
NEWS AND POLITICS
Kasab Hanging:
The Indian Government was unable to bear the expenses of Ajmal Kasab due to rapidly increasing inflation and fiscal deficit.
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ajmal Kasab hanging:
Isn't it ironic to hang a man on a suicide mission!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Considering recent arrest of 2 girls, FB should provide 3 options after someone posts something:
1. Edit
2. Delete
3. Apply for anticipatory bail
NEWS AND POLITICS
Ajmal Kasab hanged:
Now even the Indians can celebrate Thanksgiving!
NEWS AND POLITICS
2 girls arrested for posting on FB questioning the bandh in Mumbai following Bal Thackeray's death!
Zynga soon to introduce JAILVILLE on Facebook!!
NEWS AND POLITICS
Bal Thackeray: Stable
Shiv Sena: Unstable
Mumbai: Critical
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