Know Quotes Now 2017

1. Y➛ou know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark? 
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4. This is a quantum car. I don't know where I am, but I'm going really fast.
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7. It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are?
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9. ➽➽It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. 
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12. Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to managemeant is knowing which mules are which.
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15. The only way to know if the glass is half empty or half full is to measure it really accurately, like with a laser. 
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18. Never run away when you see a bear, unless you know you can beat some of the other runners. - 
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21. When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
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23. The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with. 
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26. ➲➲Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.
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28. ➲➲➲I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say. 
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30. You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths. 
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33. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. 
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35. After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
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38. The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does! 
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41. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 
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45. You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams. 
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47. You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong. 
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51. I ➼➲➲know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 
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55. ➲➲➲I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome! - 
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58. ➲➲➲You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!' - 
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62. I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.  
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65. You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
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68. I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
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71. You already know something you don't even know that you know.
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74. Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could! 
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77. ➲➲How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.➽➽➽
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79. Whomever tries to drown their sorrows by drinking should know one thing: they know how to swim! 
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82. If you know how many cupcakes I'm holding behind my back I'll give you both of them. - 
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86. I'm sorry officer but I can't stop speeding... the earth is spinning way over the speed limit in this zone. 
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89. When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right. 
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92. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done. 
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95. Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do. 
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97. Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly. - 
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100. I know how to live my life to the fullest.. but let's speak later after I finish playing some computer games. 
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103. If you know something will go wrong and you do everything to stop it from happening, then something else will go wrong. 
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106. ➼I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it⟱⟱
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109. ➤You know you are lazy when you get excited about cancelling your plans.
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113. If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you. 
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116. We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much. - 
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120. You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.
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123. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. - 
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127. I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before. 
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130. There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. - 
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134. All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza. - 
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137. I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples. - 
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140. ➤I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as 
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143. ➧I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that's dangerous. But a super humid room... well not too humid, because you know... my hair. -
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145. ➽Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake. 
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149. You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new cleaning sponge at the kitchen sink. - 
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153. I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands. 
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156. I love you so much I'd fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu... But a care bear, I'd definitely fight a care bear for you. - 
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159. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. 
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161. If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand. 
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164. Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there. 
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167. I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live.