सीधे मुख्य सामग्री पर जाएं
Hindi Ke Chutkule latest new2017
- Ek Bus Me Ek Admi Or Usk~a 6 Saal Ka Beta Safar Kar Raha Tha,
- Tabhi Stand Se Ek Ladki Bus Mein Chadi,
- Or Uss Admi Ke Karib Ka Pipe Pakdhkar Khadi Ho Gayi,
- Us Admi Ne Ek ~Najar Ladki Par Dali Or Fir Apne Goad Mein Baithe,
- Bete Se Bola Chal Khada Hoja Dekhta Nahi Ladki Khadi Hai.
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- Ek Budhe Ho Chuke Pehalwan Ne Bhid Mein Jor Se Kaha,
- Mujhme Aaj Bhi Utni Hi Taqat H Jitni Jawani Mein Hua Krti Thi,
- Tabhi Ek Aad~mi Ne Pucha - Wo Kaise,
- Pehalwan : Weh Badha Sa Pathar Dekh Rahe Ho M Use Jawani Mein Bhi,
- Uthata Tha Or Ab Bhi Uthata Hu, Lekin Wo Na Tab Uthta Tha Or Na Ab.
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- Rahul – Deepika Abhi Hum Apni Shadi Ki Baat Gupt Rakhenge,
- Deepika – Nahi Main Ye Baat Apni Dost Pinko Ki Bataungi,
- Kyunki Weh Kehti ~Thi Ki Tujhse Koi Bewkoof Hi Shadi Kar Sakta Hai.
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- Ek Writer Ne Apni Premika Ko Bataya,
- Ek Upnyaas Likhne Mein, Mujhe Pure 6 Mahine,
- Lag Jata Hai.
- Premika : Be~kar Mein Hi Samay Barbaad Karte Ho,
- 20-25 Rupye Mein Likha Likhaya Upnyas Mil Jata Hai.
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- Advocate~ Wife – Kyon Ji Fridge Or Color Tv. Kab Laoge,
- Pados Waale Ghar Mein To Dono Chije Hai,
- Advocate Haste Hue - Kuch Din Or Sabr Karo,
- Ek Talak Ka Case Hath Me Hai Jaise Hi Uska Ghar Ujdega,
- Apna Ghar Bas Jayega.
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- Gaon Wala :- Dr. Ji, Kya Chashma Lag Jaane Par Me Padh Sakunga,
- Doctor :- Ji Bilkul Padh Sakoge,
- Gaon Wala :- Accha ~Hua Ki Maa-Baap Ne Nahi Padhaya,
- Warna Itna Saara Paisa Kharab Chala Jaata,
- Pata Nahi Log Baccho Ko Sch~ool Bhejne Ki Bajaye,
- Ek Accha Sa Chashma Kyu Nahi Lagwa Dete.
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- Santa :- Tum Aankhein Band Kar Ke Seeshe Ke Samne Kyu Khade Ho,
- Banta :-~Main Ye Dekhna Chahta Hoon,
- Ki Sote Waqt Me Kaisa Lagta Hu.
- ============================
- Preeto :- Raamu, Aaj Tumne Bahut Keemati Fooldasta Ko Tod Diya,
- Agar Aage Se Gadbadi Hui To Maar – Maar Kr Sir Ganja Kar Dungi,
- Raamu : Ji Samajh Gaya,
- Preeto : Kya~Samjhe,
- Raamu : Yahi Ki Maalik Kam Umar Mein Ganje Kyu Ho Gaye Hai.
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- Police :- Tum Us Dusre Bhikhari Se Kyu Lad-Jhagad Rahe Ho,
- Bhikhari :- Jana~b, Wo Mere Bete Ki Jagah Par Beth,
- Kar Bheekh Maang Raha Tha,
- Maine Kaha Lekin Wo Hatne Ka Naam Hi Nahi Le Raha Tha.
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- Maa :- Bandar~ Ne Chat Par Rakhi Pustak Faad Daali Hai Aye Bhagwan,
- Koi Danda Ya Pathar Maar Kar Bhagaao Use Jaldi,
- Warna Sari Kitab Paadh Dega,
- Sonu :- Maa, Jab Monu Aisa Karta Hai Tab To,
- Tum Aisa Karne Ko Kabhi Nahi Kehti Ho,
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- Do Nashedio Ne Bahut Zyada Pee Rakhi Thi,
- Aur Wo Aapas Mein Behas Kar Rahe The,
- Pehla :- Ye Chand Hai Yaar,
- Dusra :- Nahi Ya~ar, Ye Suraj Hai,
- Itn Me Ek Teesra Nashedi Waha Se Gujra,
- To Dono Ne Socha Ki Is Se Poochte Hai,
- Teesra :- Bhai ! Main To Is Jagah Naya Aaya Hu.
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- Bhikhari :- Babuji, Is Laachar Ki Madad Karein,
- Aap Ek Paisa Doge To Bhagwan Dus Laakh Dega,
- Babuji :- Tumhar~e Hath, Pair, Kaan, Aankhein, Sabhi,
- Thik Hain, Tum Kaise Laachar Ho,
- Bhikhari :- Ji Main Modern Hu Aur Aadat Se Laachar Hu.
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- Neta Ji :- Humne Rajneeti Me Acche Acche Pehalwano Ko Pachad Diya Hai,
- Dusra Neta :- Aap Ky~un Sare Aam Jhuth Bol Rahe Hai,
- Kal Raat To Apki Patni Aapke Piche Jhadu,
- Lekar Daudi Thi Aur Aap Bistar Ke Niche Chupe Pade The.
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- Doctor :- Aap Mere Kahe Ke Anusaar Kamre Ki,
- Khidkiyaan Kholkar Soye The Ya Nahi,
- Mareej :- Ji Haan K~hidki Khol Ke Hi Soya Tha,
- Doctor :- Tab Aapka Jukaam Gayab Ho Gaya Hoga,
- Maarej :- Jee Nahi, Par Ghar Ka Saman Jarur Gayab Ho Gaya.
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- Ek Nayi Dulhan Ne Ithlakar Apne Pati Parmeshwar Se Kaha,
- Agar Bawarchi Ko Hatakar Agle Poore Mahine Mein Aapko,
- Apne Hath Se Bana Kha~na Paka Kar Khilaun To Mujhe Kya Milega,
- Pati :- Waada Raha Meri Beema Policy Ki Saari Rakam Tumhari.
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- Suahgraat Par Dulhe ~Ne Dulhan Ki Aankh Ko Chuma,
- Dulhan : Yeh Kya Hai
- Dulha : Aankhe Jindagi Ki Kitab Hoti Hai,
- Dulhan : Niche Library Mein Aag Lagi Hai Aur Tu Kitab Mein Gusa Hai.
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- Unki Aankho Mein Aansu Aur Chehre Par Hasi Hai,
- Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah,
- Unki Aankho ~Mein Aansu Par Hasi Hai,
- Aisa Lagta Hai Ki Unki Lulli Jip Mein Fasi Hai.
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- Ek Aadmi Dukandar Se : Ek White Color Ka Condom Dena,
- Dukandar White Hi Kyu ?,
- Aadmi : Padosan Ka Pati Mar Gaya Afsos Karne Jana Hai.
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- Pati : Aaj Tu Jo Mangegi Tere Kadmo Mein Lakar Rakh Dunga,
- Patni : Bakwas Band Karo,
- Pehle Line Mein Khade Hokar Dukan Se 1 Kilo Shakkar Lana.
- Baaki Ye Apni Faltu De~eng Baad Mein Marna.
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- Pati: Office Se Lautkar Santa Ne Santo Se Kaha,
- Main Cinema Ke Do Ticket Laya Hoon,
- Patni : Oh, Yaani Main T~aiyaar Ho Jaau Na,
- Pati : Ha, Abhi Se Taiyaar Ho Jao, Raat Ko Maja Aayega,
- Kyunki Ticket To Kal Sham Ki Hai.
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- Ek Raja Ki Rani Use Chodne Nahi Deti Thi,
- To Raja Nadi Ke Kinare Jata Aur Batkh Se Kehta Hai,
- Aao Batakh Pyari, Baitho Jaangh Par Hamari,
- Khao Paan Supari,
- Ek Din R~ani Ne Use Batakh Ke Sath S*X Karte Dekh Liya To Rani,
- Me Gusse Mein Batakh Ki G*And Mein Gar~am Sariya Daaal Diya,
- Agle Din Fir Raja Aata Hai Aur Batakh Se Kehta Hai,
- Aao Batakh Pyari, Baitho~ Jaangh Par Hamari, Khao Par Supari,
- Tabhi Batakh Kehti Hai, Aayi Thi Raand Tumhari,
- Jala Gayi G*And Hamari, Ma Ki Ch*T Tumhari,
- Bhossde Mein Jaye Pan Supari.
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- Patient : Mera Lakdi Ka Pair Mujhe Kaafi Dard De Raha Hai.
- Doctor : Lakdi Ka Pair T~umhe Dard Kaise De Sakta Hai.
- Patient : Meri Patni Mujhe Roj Usi Se Marti Hai.
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- Santa :- Shehar Ke Chaurahe Par Khadi Ek Pathar Ki Vishal,
- Murti Se Ek Baar Yamraaj Ne Pucha – Agar Main Tumme Jaan Daal Du,
- To Sabse Pehl~e Tum Kya Kaam Karoge ?
- Murti :- Unn Saikado Kabutaro Ki Garden Marodunga,
- Jo Itne Saalo Se Mujh Par Beet Karte Aaye Hai.
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- Raman – Beta Tumhare Baal Choti Si Umar Mein Bahut Sundar Hai,
- Ye Tumhe Kis Se Mile Hain, Apni Mummy Se Ya Papa Se ?
- Ladki - Jahan Tak Me~ra Khayal Hai Uncle Ji,
- Mujhe Mere Baal Papa Se Mile Hai,
- Kyunki Mere Papa Ke Sir Se Saare Baal Gayab Ho Gaye Hai.
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- Ladki : Kabhi Railway Track Nahi Dkehi Hai Kya,
- Santa : Hmm Dekhi H~ Ji Bahut Dekhi Hai,
- Hamara To Kaam Hi Inhe Dekhne Ka Hai,
- Par Kasam Se Aise Breakar Kabhi Nahi Dekhe.
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- Patni Ne Kaha Pr~iyatam Tum Mujhe Itna Pyaar Karte Ho,
- Kya Mere Marne Ke Bad Tum Bhi Mere Liye Ek Tajmahal Banaaoge,
- Ha Ha Kyu Nahi Prie,
- Isliye To Maine Agra Mein 1000 Gaz Ka Plot Kharida Hai.
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- Thanku Doctor Ji Aapne Mere Boyfriend Ke Dil Me,
- Dusre K~a Dil Lagakar Unki Zindagi Bacha Li.
- Lekin Doctor Ji, Ab Unke Dil Mein Wo Pyar Nahi Reh Gaya Hai,
- Doctor :Abhi Naya Dil Hai, Koshish Kijiye,
- Kuch Din Mein Kaabu Mein Aa Jayega.
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- Patni :- Pati Mein Behas Chal Rahi Thi,
- Pati :- Mujhe Khoobsurti Pasand Hai,
- Patni :- Mujhe D~imag Bahut Pasand Hai,
- Pati :- Ha Thik Hai, Jo Chij Jiske Paas Nahi Hoti Hai,
- Wo Use Hi Pasand Karta Hai.
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- Santo Ne Apne Indian Premi Se Pucha,
- Shaadi Ho Jaaye To Tum Mujhe Honeymoon Ke Liye,
- Kaun Se ~Station Pe Leke Jaaoge ?
- Bus Station Se Railway Station.
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- Preeti :- Tum Ekdum Se Itne Ameer Kaise Ban Gaye ?
- Pankaj :- Baat Bhulne Ki Aadat Ke Karan,
- Preeti :- Wo Kaise ?~
- Pankaj :- Mere Lakhpati Mama Ko Dil Ka Daura Pada Tha,
- Uss Samaye Mein Doctor Ka Mobile Number Bhul Jaane Ke Karan,
- Doctor Ko Bhulana Bhul Gaya,
- Aur Mere Mama Ji Chal Base. So Main Ameer Ban Gaya.
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- Teacher – Bachho Hame Kisi Chij Ka Durupyog Nahi Karna Chahiye,
- Pappu – Sir Aap Kyun Karte Hai,
- Teacher – Mai~n Kis Chij Ka Durupyog Karta Hun,
- Pappu – Scale Se Line Khichni Chahiye Par Aap Sada Usse Hame Pitte Hai.
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- Sahab : Waiter Are Kaisa Tanduri Chicken Laye Ho Tum,
- Iski Ek Tang Dusri Tang Se Choti Hai,
- Shopkeeper : Sahab Aapko Chicken Khana Hai Ya Uske,
- Saath Dance Karna Hai.
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- Sipahi – Miss Babli Aapki Sikhayat Par,
- Maine In Nagan Nahan~e Walo Ko,
- Iss Samundar Tat Se Aage Bej Diya Hai,
- Aapko Inhe Dekhkar Paresani Ho Rahi Thi,
- Ab We 10 Fit Aage Ja~kar Nahaenge,
- Babli – Thank You Officer Ab Main Bina,
- Sarmaye Unhe Durbin Se Dekh Sakungi.
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- Ek Teacher Apni Claas Mein Makkhiyo Ke Bare Mein,
- Baccho Ko Bata ~Rahi Thi – Ek Akeli Makkhi Apne Jiwan Me,
- Ek Lakh Ande De Sakti Hain,
- Bunty Ne Babli Se Fusfusa Kar Kaha – Ek Akeli Makkhi Lakho,
- Ande Deti Hai To Shadi Shuda Makkhi N Jane Kitne Deti Hogi.
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- Pati – Apni Patni Ko Dantte Hue, Darwaja Par Aane Wale Har Bikhari,
- Ko Khana Khilane Se Kya~ Laab Isse Kuch Banta Hi Nahi,
- Patni – Main Janti Hui Par Yeh Dekhkar Mujhe Behad Santosh Hota Hai,
- Ki Akhir Koi To Mere Hath Ka Khana Bina Kami Nikale Kha Raha Hai.
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- Teacher – Batao~ Nepal Door Hain Ya Chand,
- Pinki – Ji Nepal,
- Teacher – Kaise,
- Pinki – Ji Chand To Yaha Se Dekha Ja Sakta Hai Par Nepal Nahi.
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- Santa – Agar Tumhari Maa Tumhe 10 Rupye Or,
- Tere Bhai Ko 20 Rupye De To Kya Hoga,
- Banta – Ladayi.
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- Rail Ke Dibbe Mein Santa Ki Maa Ne Santa Se Kaha,
- Chupchap Baithe Raho Sararat Ki To Marungi,
- Santa – Tumne Mujhe M~ara To Main,
- Tickit Checker Ko Apni Umar Bata Dunga.
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- Pappu – Aaj Main Tumse Bahut Khus Hun Bolo Kya Chahiye,
- Preeti Khus Hoker – Hiro Ka Haar,
- Pappu – Achha Yeh Lo D~aga, Hire Phir La Dunga.
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- Mareej – Doctor Suna Hai Aajkal Sanp Ke Katne Ka Bhi Ilaaj Ho Jata Hai,
- Doctor – Sabka~ Ilaaj Ho Sakta Hai,
- Mareej – Doctor Sahab Kuch Bimariya To Lailaj Hoti Hongi,
- Doctor – Are Ha Tumne Accha Yaad Dilaya Aurat Ke Katne Ka Koi Ilaj Nahi Hai.
- ============================
- Ek Raja Ne Apni Premika Se Pucha- Main Kis Din Mrunga?
- Premika Ne Utar Diya- Chutti Wale Din,
- Raja – Kaise,
- Premika – Ap Jis Din Bhi Marenghe Apki Sena Usi Din Chutti Manaeghi.
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- Pappu : Mummy School Mein Hamari Teacher Bata Rahi Thi,
- Ki Hum Log Dusro K~ Madad Karne Ke Liye Iss Duniya Main Ae Hain,
- Kya Yah Such Hain?
- Mummy : Ha Beta Tumhari Teacher Thik Kehti Hain,
- Pappu : To Fir Dusre Log Duniya Main Kislie Aaye Hain.
- ============================
- Police Mein Naukri Paane Ke Liye Aavedan Patr Dene Wale,
- Ek Aadmi Se Police Co~mmisnor Ne Interview Mein Pucha,
- Agar Kahi Bidh Jama Ho Gayi Or Tumhe Bina Laathcharge Kiye,
- Logo Ko Wahan Se Titar – Bitar Karne Ko Kaha Jaye To Kya Karoge?,
- Aadmi Ne Muskurakar Kaha – Main Unse Kisi Aashram Ka Chanda Mangne Lagunga.
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- Bus Mein Khada Patla Aadmi Dakke Khata Hua Aage,
- Khiskta Ja Raha Tha Jab Condoctor Ne Tickit Kharidne,
- Ke Liye Usse Kaha T~aha Hoon.
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- Naukar – Uthiye Ma~lik Jagiye,
- Malik – Kya Baat Hain Kyon Jaga Diya,
- Naukar – Ji Main Apko Neend Ki Dawai Dena Bhool Gaya Tha.
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- Banta : Chidambaram Ke Bajat Mein Kya Khaas Hai,
- Santa : Isme~ G**Nd Bhi Apni Hai, Tel Bhi Apna Hai,
- Bed Bhi Apna Hai, Aur G**Nd Ke Jo Kamayenge Wo Sarkar Hai.
- ============================
- Ek Bona Suhagraat Ko Kamre Mein Aate Hi Biwi Se Bola,
- Chal Ghodi Ban Jaa,
- Biwi :- Ye Kon Sa Tareeka, Hai Ji,
- Bona :- Pagli, Tareeka Nahi Hai, Kamre Ki Kundi Lagani Hai.
- ============================
- Bio Teacher : Penees Mein Haddi Hoti Hai,
- Ladki : Ji Ha Ji ,
- Santa : Nahi Hoti Sir~, Inn Ladkio Ko Kya Pata,
- Inhe To Hamesha Khada Hi Milta Hai.
- ============================
- Santa : Tumhare Kacche Mein Kitne Ched Hai,
- Ladki : Behsaram ~Kahi Ke, Ek Bhi Nahi Hai,
- Santa : Pagli Kahi Ki Fir Dono Taange Kaha Se Nikalti Ho.
- Inn Ladkio Ki Soch Hi Itni Gandi Hai.
- ============================
- Aurat Ke Do Karishme
- 1. Bina Ghaas Khaye Dudh Deti Hai,
- 2. L**Da Nahi Hota Fir Bhi Mardo Ki G*Nd Mar Leti Hai.
- ============================
- Do Sardaro Ki Kisi Baat Par Behas Ho Gayi,
- Pehla Gusse Mein ~Bola Kya Samajhte Ho Apne Apko,
- Tumse Badha Bewkoof Dunde Bhi Nahi Milega,
- Dundne Ki Kya Jarurt Hain Ghar Jakar Seeshe Me,
- Muh Dekh Lo, Najar Aa Jayega.
- ============================
- Customer – Samose Kuch Thik Nahi Lag Rahe Hain,
- Kya Baat Hain? Parso Wale To Bahut Achhe The,
- Sardar – Aji Sahab Y~eh Wahi To Hain.
- ============================
- Teacher : Do Samundaro Ke Naam Batao,
- Sardar : Ganga~ Or Yumna,
- Teacher : Lekin Yeh To Nadiya Hain.
- Sardar : Kya Fark Padhta Hai,
- Akhir Ye Samundar Main Hi To Mil Jati Hai.
- ============================
- Ek Sardar Ne Apne Patni Se Kaha – Jara,
- Jaldi Khana De Do Dair Ho Rahi Hain,
- Patni : Lekin Abhi~ Chawal Adhe Hi Pake Hai,
- Sardar : Koi Baat Nahi Adhe Hi De Do Baaki,
- Tum Kha Lena.
- ============================
- Sardar – Dekho Aaj Samne Ki Shop Se Koi Saman Mat Kharidna,
- Sardar Girlfriend – Kyon Kya ~Hua? Weh To Bahut Imandar Hain,
- Sardar – So To Hai Lekin Aaj Saman Tolne Ke Liye Hamara,
- Baat(Weight) Udhar Le Gya Hain.
- ============================
- Sharabi – Sharab Se Jyada Nuksan To Paani Karta Hai,
- Premo – Bil~kul Galat Hai, Aisa Kabhi Nahi Ho Sakta,
- Sharabi – Kyu Kuch Dino Pehle Hi Badh Se Hajaro Logo Nahi Mare.
- ============================
- Pandit Ne Pappu Ka Hath Dekh Kar Kaha,
- Aapke Ghar Me Jaldi Hi Ek Bhadi Danrasi Ke,
- Aane Ka Yog Hai,
- Batayie Apne Lo~tri Ka Tickat Liya Hai Ya Kuch Aur,
- Pappu Ne Thandi Saans Lete Hue Kaha,
- Abhi Parso Hi Maine Do Lakh Ka Apna Bima Karwaya Hai.
- ============================
- Santa Banta Se – Mere Dad Cinema Hole Me Pahunchte Hain,
- Tabhi Gate Khulta Hain,
- Banta – To Ky~a Tera Baaap Manejar Hain?,
- Santa – Nahi Gatekeeper Hain.
- ============================
- Apne Papa Ke Sath Chidiyagar Dekhte Hue Bachcha,
- Sher Ke Pinjre Ke Samne Akar Kuch Sochne Laga,
- Papa Ne Karan Pucha To Bachche Ne Kaha Kuch Nahi,
- Main Soch Raha Tha~ Ki Agar Sher Pinjre Se Niklakar Apko Kha Le,
- To Main Kon Se Number Ki Bus Se Gar Jaunga
- ============================
- Pathan Naukarani Se : "Tum Begam Se Zyada Maja Deti Ho,"
- Naukarani : Ye To Aapki Jara Nawaji Hai,
- Warna Saare Nau~kar To Kehte Hai Begam Jyada Maja Deti Hai.
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