⧭⧭Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.
⬉⬉I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, '⧭⬉Your password is incorrect
⧭⧭Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.
⧭⧭A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
⧭⧭My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
⧭⧭When nothing is going right, go left.
⧭⧭When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31⬳⬳⬳⬳
⧭⧭Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.
🔝🔝I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
⧭I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
🔁🔁You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared⭇⭇⭇
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.
⧭⧭My prince is not coming on a white horse... He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.
⧭⧭My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
⬉⬉If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.
⧭⧭Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
⧭⧭Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile. But when you fart just one ⬉⬉time..
⧭⧭Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their ⬈⬈shoes.
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
⧭⧭Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.
⧭You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.
I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.
⧭A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
⬉⬉A mind is like a ⬉⬉parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.
⧭⧭The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
⧭⧭In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to sleep.
⧭⧭Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
⬉⬉No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.
⧭⧭I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture.
⧭⧭Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry, they argue and disagree all the time, but they still can't live without each other⧭⧭
⧭⧭I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.
⬉⬉My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.
⬉⬉When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
⬉⬉A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games.
⧭⧭A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually ⬉⬉gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
⧭⧭I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.
⧭⧭Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.
⧭⧭I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
⧭⧭Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. -
⧭⧭I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!
When I stare at the sky, I see you. When I stare out into the ocean, I see you. When I'm looking at the moon, I see you. Geez! Would you move aside, you're constantly getting in my way!
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants
I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.
I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.
The alphabet begins with ABC, numbers begin with 123, music begins with do-re-mi, and friendship begins with you and me.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
⧭⧭Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
⧭⧭Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.
⧭⧭To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
⬉⬉The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject -
⬉⬉People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
⬉⬉Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
⬉⬉They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.
⬉⬉It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
⬉⬉My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.
⬉⬉If only common sense were more common.
⬉⬉Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?
give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.
⧭⧭My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
⬉⬉Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!
⬉⬉Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
🔝🔝A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
🔝🔝If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.
⧭We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.
⬉I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
⧭As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, ⬊lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.
⧭Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.
⧭The road to success is always under construction.
⧭The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
⧭If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
⧭I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
⧭The best revenge is massive success.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.
⬉⬉If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and ⬉⬉share it with your big mouth!
⬈⬈Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.
⬉⬉I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
⬉⬉Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, ⧭⧭but then I realized it's my own reflection!
⬉⬉Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves⬉⬉
⧭⧭My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station⬉⬉⬉
⧭⧭I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am..
⧭⧭Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double.
⧭⧭Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
⧭⧭That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.
⧭⧭Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.
⧭A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest⬉⬉⬉
⧭Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say.
⧭Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.
⧭Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich.
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man.
The only relationship I have is with my Wi-Fi. We have a connection.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket.
Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old.
My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.
My imaginary friend thinks he has problems.
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.
Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year. -
⧭⧭The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist⬉⬉⬉
⧭⧭If you think nothing⬉⬉ is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. -
⧭⧭The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.
⧭⧭Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.
Diet rule #1: 🔁🔁If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.
Sorry I didn't pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out -
⧭⧭Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends ⬉⬉houses, and mostly places they have already been to
⧭⧭We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much.
⧭⧭Zoning out is your brain's way of saying "You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.
🔀🔀Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible
🔀Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
🔀🔀Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see
Taking a shower is awesome, it makes you feel nice and clean, makes you sound like a great singer, and helps you make all of life's decisions.
🔀🔀Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
⬑⬑What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute⬑⬑⬑
⬑⬑I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
⭃⭃Paper cut: A tree's final moment of revenge.
🔝🔝I'm not arguing, 🔝🔝I'm just telling you why you're wrong.
When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess.
⭃⭃What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.
Sharks are not so bad🔀🔀🔀If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too.
⧭⧭If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
⧭⧭What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don't look, I'm changing.
⧭⧭I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
⬊⬊A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten⬉⬉ hours.
⬉⬉A girl called me once and said "come over, nobody is home!" I went there and she was right, nobody was home🔀🔀🔀
Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
I really should do something with my life... maybe tomorrow.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
⬉⬉When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad⬉⬉
⬉⬉The best advise I have for all my teachers during a test is to pass the test out as fast as possible before I forget ⬉⬉everything.
⬉⬉You can't have everything... where would you put it?
⬉⬉Don't make me laugh, I'm trying to be mad at you.
⧭⧭At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up. m
Never ask a starfish for directions.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day.
⬉⬉I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying
I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.
I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge.
I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.
If you know how many cupcakes I'm holding behind my back I'll give you both of them.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.
Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.
It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt
⬉⬉Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
⬊⬊If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
⬊⬊You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
⧭A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.
Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing.
I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up every morning.
⬈You know you are lazy when you get excited about cancelling your plans.
⬊One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife
⬊Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.
⬉⬉I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.
⧭⧭I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before.
⬉⬉Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.
⬊The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
⬋The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does⭃⭃
⧭⧭You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing🔝🔝🔝🔝
🔝🔝Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV.
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.
A good friend is like a bra: hard to find one you're comfortable with, always provides support, holds you tight and is always close to your heart.
Those who snore always fall asleep first.
If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need.
A text message can lead to a date, which can lead to a kiss, and a wonderful night together. Will you text me
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off
I'm not lazy, I'm on power saving mode.
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.
Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over.
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.
I called the restaurant and I asked them if they take orders, when they said they do, I told them 'run outside naked
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.
Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?
You never run out of things that can go wrong.
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful!.. Then I look at you... and.. I think I'll look at the moon again?
Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.
Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.
For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.
I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.
My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.
I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it.
Chocolate is great, it gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
I love my computer because all my friends live inside it!
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
For 2014 I wish you 12 months of happiness, 52 weeks of fun, 365 days of success, 8760 hours of great health and 525600 lucky minutes! Happy New Year!
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.
All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave. - http://coolfunnyquotes.com
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.
It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday
Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap.
Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.
I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else
After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.
Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.
A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.
Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't like the thought of being gone so long!
Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night.
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and one to Miami.' She said, 'We can't do that!' I told her, 'You did it last week
If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real.
A bikini is like a barbed wire fence. It protects the property without obstructing the view.
I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition.
Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
Life is always rocky when you're a gem.
Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ?
Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that's why I think of jogging every day.
Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed and permanently set.
Hate your job? Join our support group! It’s called EVERYBODY. We meet at the bar.
My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museum.
Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.
Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened
Smile while you still have teeth.
I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.
If Monday had a face... I would punch it.
I wonder, we lazy people go to heaven... or do they send someone to pick us up
He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this sidewalk is icy
Hmmm this text message is a little too harsh, I'll add LOL at the end.
Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but I'm still going to keep looking.
What great energy, intelligence, and magnificent beautiful eyes... But enough about me, how are you doing
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse
The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.
I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me
If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand.
My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!
A toy that can't be broken can be used to break other toys.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. Then I looked into my heart and I found you, and only then I figured out how rich I was.
I'm a ninja! No you're not. Did you see that? See what? Exactly
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
⬉⬉I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, '⧭⬉Your password is incorrect
⧭⧭Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.
⧭⧭A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
⧭⧭My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
⧭⧭When nothing is going right, go left.
⧭⧭When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31⬳⬳⬳⬳
⧭⧭Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.
🔝🔝I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
⧭I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
🔁🔁You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared⭇⭇⭇
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.
⧭⧭My prince is not coming on a white horse... He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.
⧭⧭My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
⬉⬉If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.
⧭⧭Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
⧭⧭Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile. But when you fart just one ⬉⬉time..
⧭⧭Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their ⬈⬈shoes.
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
⧭⧭Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.
⧭You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.
I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.
⧭A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
⬉⬉A mind is like a ⬉⬉parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.
⧭⧭The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
⧭⧭In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to sleep.
⧭⧭Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
⬉⬉No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.
⧭⧭I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture.
⧭⧭Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry, they argue and disagree all the time, but they still can't live without each other⧭⧭
⧭⧭I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.
⬉⬉My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.
⬉⬉When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
⬉⬉A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games.
⧭⧭A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually ⬉⬉gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
⧭⧭I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.
⧭⧭Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.
⧭⧭I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
⧭⧭Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. -
⧭⧭I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!
When I stare at the sky, I see you. When I stare out into the ocean, I see you. When I'm looking at the moon, I see you. Geez! Would you move aside, you're constantly getting in my way!
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants
I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.
I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.
The alphabet begins with ABC, numbers begin with 123, music begins with do-re-mi, and friendship begins with you and me.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
⧭⧭Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
⧭⧭Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.
⧭⧭To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
⬉⬉The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject -
⬉⬉People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
⬉⬉Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
⬉⬉They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.
⬉⬉It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
⬉⬉My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.
⬉⬉If only common sense were more common.
⬉⬉Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?
give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.
⧭⧭My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
⬉⬉Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!
⬉⬉Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
🔝🔝A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
🔝🔝If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.
⧭We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.
⬉I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
⧭As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, ⬊lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.
⧭Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.
⧭The road to success is always under construction.
⧭The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
⧭If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
⧭I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
⧭The best revenge is massive success.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.
⬉⬉If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and ⬉⬉share it with your big mouth!
⬈⬈Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.
⬉⬉I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
⬉⬉Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, ⧭⧭but then I realized it's my own reflection!
⬉⬉Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves⬉⬉
⧭⧭My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station⬉⬉⬉
⧭⧭I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am..
⧭⧭Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double.
⧭⧭Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
⧭⧭That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.
⧭⧭Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.
⧭A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest⬉⬉⬉
⧭Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say.
⧭Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.
⧭Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich.
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man.
The only relationship I have is with my Wi-Fi. We have a connection.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket.
Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old.
My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.
My imaginary friend thinks he has problems.
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.
Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year. -
⧭⧭The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist⬉⬉⬉
⧭⧭If you think nothing⬉⬉ is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. -
⧭⧭The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.
⧭⧭Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.
Diet rule #1: 🔁🔁If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.
Sorry I didn't pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out -
⧭⧭Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends ⬉⬉houses, and mostly places they have already been to
⧭⧭We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much.
⧭⧭Zoning out is your brain's way of saying "You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.
🔀🔀Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible
🔀Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
🔀🔀Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see
Taking a shower is awesome, it makes you feel nice and clean, makes you sound like a great singer, and helps you make all of life's decisions.
🔀🔀Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
⬑⬑What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute⬑⬑⬑
⬑⬑I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
⭃⭃Paper cut: A tree's final moment of revenge.
🔝🔝I'm not arguing, 🔝🔝I'm just telling you why you're wrong.
When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess.
⭃⭃What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.
Sharks are not so bad🔀🔀🔀If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too.
⧭⧭If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
⧭⧭What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don't look, I'm changing.
⧭⧭I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
⬊⬊A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten⬉⬉ hours.
⬉⬉A girl called me once and said "come over, nobody is home!" I went there and she was right, nobody was home🔀🔀🔀
Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
I really should do something with my life... maybe tomorrow.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
⬉⬉When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad⬉⬉
⬉⬉The best advise I have for all my teachers during a test is to pass the test out as fast as possible before I forget ⬉⬉everything.
⬉⬉You can't have everything... where would you put it?
⬉⬉Don't make me laugh, I'm trying to be mad at you.
⧭⧭At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up. m
Never ask a starfish for directions.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day.
⬉⬉I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying
I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.
I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge.
I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.
If you know how many cupcakes I'm holding behind my back I'll give you both of them.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.
Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.
It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt
⬉⬉Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
⬊⬊If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
⬊⬊You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
⧭A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.
Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing.
I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up every morning.
⬈You know you are lazy when you get excited about cancelling your plans.
⬊One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife
⬊Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.
⬉⬉I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.
⧭⧭I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before.
⬉⬉Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.
⬊The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
⬋The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does⭃⭃
⧭⧭You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing🔝🔝🔝🔝
🔝🔝Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV.
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.
A good friend is like a bra: hard to find one you're comfortable with, always provides support, holds you tight and is always close to your heart.
Those who snore always fall asleep first.
If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need.
A text message can lead to a date, which can lead to a kiss, and a wonderful night together. Will you text me
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off
I'm not lazy, I'm on power saving mode.
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.
Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over.
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.
I called the restaurant and I asked them if they take orders, when they said they do, I told them 'run outside naked
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.
Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?
You never run out of things that can go wrong.
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful!.. Then I look at you... and.. I think I'll look at the moon again?
Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.
Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.
For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.
I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.
My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.
I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it.
Chocolate is great, it gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
I love my computer because all my friends live inside it!
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
For 2014 I wish you 12 months of happiness, 52 weeks of fun, 365 days of success, 8760 hours of great health and 525600 lucky minutes! Happy New Year!
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.
All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave. - http://coolfunnyquotes.com
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.
It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday
Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap.
Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.
I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else
After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.
Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.
A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.
Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't like the thought of being gone so long!
Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night.
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and one to Miami.' She said, 'We can't do that!' I told her, 'You did it last week
If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real.
A bikini is like a barbed wire fence. It protects the property without obstructing the view.
I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition.
Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
Life is always rocky when you're a gem.
Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ?
Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that's why I think of jogging every day.
Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed and permanently set.
Hate your job? Join our support group! It’s called EVERYBODY. We meet at the bar.
My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museum.
Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.
Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened
Smile while you still have teeth.
I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.
If Monday had a face... I would punch it.
I wonder, we lazy people go to heaven... or do they send someone to pick us up
He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this sidewalk is icy
Hmmm this text message is a little too harsh, I'll add LOL at the end.
Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but I'm still going to keep looking.
What great energy, intelligence, and magnificent beautiful eyes... But enough about me, how are you doing
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse
The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.
I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me
If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand.
My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!
A toy that can't be broken can be used to break other toys.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. Then I looked into my heart and I found you, and only then I figured out how rich I was.
I'm a ninja! No you're not. Did you see that? See what? Exactly
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
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