marriage sms wishes new2017

1. When a woma~n says: 'Correct me if I am wrong'!
2. Do not try to do it... it's a trap.
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4. 30th October is Karwa Ch~auth and 31st October is Halloween.
5. It will be like Dulhan Bani Daayan. 
6. 30th October Main Tumhein Marne Nahi Dungi, 31st October Main Tumhein Jeene Nahi Dungi!
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8. Sasur To Damad: B~eta Kal Tumhare Saale Ke Liye Ladki Dekhne Jana Hai, Tum Kal Aajao! 
9. Damad To Sasur: Sasur Ji, Aap Apne Hisab Se Dekh Lo... Yahan To Mera Khud Ka Decision Galat Hua Pada Hai!
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11. If love is blind and marriage is an eye opener, then divorce would surely be a champagne bottle opener.
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13. Agar Wife Apni Saree Ka Pallu Apni Kamar Mein Thus Le Toh Samjh Jao Ki...
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20. Ya Toh Woh Ghar Ka K~aam Niptayegi Ya Aapko!
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22. Every women needs a hu~sband because...
23. So many things go wrong everyday and you can't blame God and Modi all the time.
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25. Two new words are ~to be included in oxford dictionary:
26. 1. Gumshuda (n)- state of being physically lost.
27. 2. Shadishuda (n)- state of being physically, mentally and financially lost.
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29. A man's wife was in ICU.
30. Doctors did their best but she was not responding.
31. Doctor said to hus~band, ~"We are sorry. Everything is in God's hand now."
32. Husband was inconsolable and was kept sa~ying, "She is hardly 40".
33. An almost inaudible voice from wife's bed said, "37"!
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35. Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.
36. It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!
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38. Two golden rules of H~appy Marriage 
39. 1. The wife is always right. 
40. 2. When you feel she is wrong slap yourself and read rule number 1 again.
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44. Every husband gets a wireless net connection by default, it is called,
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55. WifeEye!
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57. Marriage ~is worse than prison. There is no parole for good behaviour!
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59. The only mistake for which people are congratulated is 'Marriage'!
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61. Behind every woman, there is a man secretly planning the death of every guy she talks to!
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63. I've been married for thirty ~years and buying diamonds for the same woman - and I'm still in love with her.
64. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me !
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66. Don't marry the~ person you~ want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later!
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68. For Successful Married Life:
69. Be a litt~le blind!
70. Be a little kind!
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72. Definition of a 'Happy Couple':
73. "She does what she wants but he does what she wants!"
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75. Marital explosions are at times caused by an old flame!
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77. The only mistake for which people are congratulated is 'Marriage'!
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80. A Wife's Re~minder:
81. I trust you... but remember - 'My trust and your bones will break simultaneously'!
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83. Bridegroom: And~ now, dear, that we are married, let us have a clear understanding about our affairs. Do you wish~ to be president or vice-president?
84. Bride (Sweetly): Neither. You be both. I'll be just the treasurer!
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86. Every woman needs a husband because so many things go wrong daily and you can't blame God and Modi all the time!
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88. Husband: I love you!
89. Wife: I love you too, infact I love you so much I will fight the whole world for you.
90. Husband: But yo~u fight with me the most.
91. Wife: Because you are the world to me!
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93. Every husband is a farmer by default.
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100. His survival solely depends on 'agree'culture!
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102. An idea ca~n change your life;
103. But a wife can change your idea!
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105. Wife (after a fight): Tell me those 3 magical words.
106. Husband: I love you
107. Wife: No not this
108. Husband: I ~like you
109. Wife: Again No, not this
110. Husband: I miss you
111. Wife: Getting more angry... No no Husband: Galti Meri Thi!
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113. Every husband is a farmer by default.
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124. His survival solely depends on 'agree'culture!
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126. Marriage has its own ups and downs. At times, you want to throw the other person off the cliff and then rush to the bottom to catch them!
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128. When your wife say~s, all she wants for her anniversary is - "Your Love".
129. She is just kidding - actually she just expects Diamonds!
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133. Wife is very clever. She'll lay her head on your chest and ask - "Honey, have you ever cheated on me?"
134. And the wait for yo~ur heart to beat fast.
135. Dear Innocent Husbands, Be careful and please adjust your heart beats accordingly!
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137. 27 June all world is celebrating International Husband Day.
138. Date itself explains why this date is selected.
139. "Satai Joon"
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141. Dedicated to all married couples:
142. Arranged Marriage is like a Lottery.
143. Lag Gayi Toh Lag Gayi;
144. Warna Lag Gayi!
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146. Real man would always lead their wife to a train. To make sure that she left for her parents' place!
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148. Story of an Intelligent Husband:
149. Wife was busy~ in packing her clothes. 
150. Husband - Where are you going ?
151. Wife - I'm moving to my mother. 
152. Husband also starts pac~king his clothes. 
153. Wife - Now where are you going ?
154. Husband - I'm also moving to my mother. 
155. Wife - And what about the kids ? Husband - Well I guess ... If you are moving to your mother and I'm moving~ to my mother ... They should move to their mother. 
156. Clothes unpacked.
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158. All marriages ar~e happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble!
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160. I am sure most couples wish to find a way to stay married to their partner but divorce their insane in-laws!
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162. Breaking News:
163. Warning to all hus~bands, service tax goes up to 14%.
164. This will make beauty parlours and restaurants more expensive... so keep reminding your wives that they are naturally beautiful.~
165. Also encourage them that they cook awesome food!
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167. You must marry someone you want to annoy for the rest of your life!
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169. November to January - The months of marriages. The other nine are devoted to divorcees!
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174. Silence is a language, too!
175. So if you don't hear anything from your wife, it doesn't mean you are safe!
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177. Wife: You had lunch? 
178. Husband (in a naughty mood): You had lunch?
179. Wife: I'm asking you.
180. Husband: I'~m asking you.
181. Wife: Are you copying me?
182. Husband: Are you copying me?
183. Wife: Let's g~o shopping. 
184. Husband: I had lunch!
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186. What is the difference between Farmers and Husbands?
187. Farmers h~ave "Agri-Culture";
188. Husbands have "Agree-Culture"!
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190. Define Marriage: It's a way through which two people join together to solve the problems they never had before.
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192. Short & Sharp:
193. Wife: I Love You!
194. Husband: Come to the point!
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196. Alimony - The high cost of name-dropping!
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198. Dedicated to all Women: 
199. Everyday wake up ~in the morning, look at your wonderful husband and think -
200. Damn, he is so lucky!
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202. Marriage was the first union to defy management!
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204. Million Dollar Truth: 
205. If Saturday and~ Sunday don't excite you, then change your Friends.
206. If Monday doesn't motiv~ate you, then change your profession... If Monday is too exciting, and you are dying to get to work, then you should probably change your spouse!
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208. Marriage: a word which should be pronounced 'mirage'!
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211. Just think, if it were~n't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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213. Dear Married People,
214. Buddha had to invent a whole new religion to escape his wife that's how difficult it is!
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216. Arranged marriage is like accepting an unknown friend request on Facebook!
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218. Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!
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220. MARITAL CAUTION:
221. Even if your wife uses dual sim phone, save both the number under one name - WIFE.
222. Never save it as "Wife 1"~ and "Wife 2"!
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224. Banker: So you wish to open a joint account with your husband. What kind?
225. Lady: Oh, just a deposit account for him- checking for me!
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227. Wife: Where have you been so late?
228. Husband: Stop me if you've heard this one!
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230. Weekend Special:
231. Wife: We must enjo~y our Saturdays and Sundays. 
232. Husband: Good idea! I will see you on Monday!
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234. Newly married husband: Bu~t you promised at the altar to obey me.
235. Wife: Of course. I didn't want to make a scene!
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237. Friend 1: Was your marriage one of those~ trial and error things?
238. Friend 2: Just the opposite. First came the error, then the trial!
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242. Husband: But, Alice~, you don't want that!
243. Wife: How will I know until I get it?
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245. Wife: As the weather is still cold, I should like to look at some furs. Will you come with me?
246. Husband: Yes-let's go to the Zoo!
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248. I got married so that I can be auto-corrected even when my phone is off!
249. MARRIAGE  2
250. The young wife, proudly to her husband, "My father always gives expensive presents."
251. "So I discovered w~hen he gave you away", rejoined the young husband!
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253. Regarding... "I love you too" interesting fact is when husband says "I love you too..." wife takes it as: "Main Bhi Tums~e Pyaar Karta Hun!"
254. Whereas what husband meant is "Main Tumse Bhi Pyaar Karta Hun!"
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256. Wife: Jaanu, Kaise ho?
257. The husband opened his diary.
258. Wife: Jaanu, Kya Kar Rahe Ho?
259. Husband: Check Kar Raha Hoon, Pichhli Baar Tumhare 'Jaanu' Bolne Par Kitna Kharcha Hua Tha!
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261. Before marriage, it's c~alled 'DATING';
262. After marriage, it's called 'ACCOMMODATING'!
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264. A good wife tries to stay within your budget!
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266. Lady to her advocate: I want to marry my ex-husband again.
267. Advocate asks his client, "Why? Only last month you got the divorce."
268. Lady: After divo~rce, I see him very~ happy and I cannot tolerate it!
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270. Wife: How long have you been sleeping?
271. Husband: Ever since I got married!
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275. A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring... and your house is gone!
276. MARRIAGE   
277. I will marry the girl, who looks pretty in her Aadhaar Card!
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279. There are 3 Dolls in a man's life:
280. 1. His Daughter - Barbie Doll
281. 2. His Girlfriend - Baby Doll
282. 3. His Wife - डांवाडोल
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284. I used to be an "incurable romantic", until I married an 'antibiotic'!
285. MARRIAG~E   
286. Wife called her husband,
287. Wife: Honey where are you?
288. Husband: I'm at the ban~k.
289. Wife: Dear, please I need 1000 rupees to activate my iPhone, 5000 to do my hair and 10,000 to buy a dress.
290. Husband: Sorry, I meant I was at the BANK of a river. Do you want fish to cook?
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292. The man who never made a mistake is married to a lady who did!
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294. To keep you~r marriage brimming;
295. With love in the marriage cup.
296. Whenever you are wr~ong, admit it;
297. And whenever you're right, shut up!
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299. Wives always think that every female friend of their husband is interested in their husband.
300. As if two women would make the same mistake!
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302. What's common between clouds and wife?
303. When both are not around, we call it a bright day!
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305. Love - the q~uest
306. Marriage - the conquest
307. Divorce - the inquest!
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311. For men marriage is like museum - you have to be quite and you can't really touch anything!
312. MARRIAGE  28
313. Son: The marriage ~vows say "till death do us part", so we are not married in heaven?
314. Father: That's right son... because if we were still married, we'd be in hell!
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316. A husband and wife were arguing over some issue.
317. After heated arguments for a long time, wife finally said: Tell me dear, do you want to win or do you want to be happy?
318. Argument ended!
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320. Sometimes I wake up GRUMPY; other times
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329. I let her sleep!
330. MARRIAGE  1
331. My wife must be a relative of Nathu Ram Godse. She's constantly eliminating the Gandhis from my wallet!
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333. Wife: Shall I prepare 'Sambhar' or 'Rasam' today?
334. Husband: Make ~anything, we will name it later!
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336. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?
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338. How to find the perfect w~oman in two steps.
339. 1. Marry one!
340. 2. All other women will automatically look perfect!
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342. The secrets of a Happy ~Marriage:
343. 1. Go to Tools - Internet Options - Clear History - Delete Files - Delete Cookies!
344. 2. Whatsapp Group Info - Delete Chat History - Delete Photos - Delete Videos!
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346. A drunk man arrives late at home. He knows his wife won't open the door, so he decides to pretend he bought her flowers & knocks at the door.
347. Wife: Who ~is it?
348. Drunk: I bring flowers for the pretty lady.
349. Wife opens the door~ & says: Where are the flowers?
350. Drunk: Where is the pretty lady? The guy is recovering from deep injuries!
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354. Never underestimate the power of 3 things:
355. 1. Wife angry for a reason.
356. 2. Wife angry without reason.
357. 3. Wife about to ~get angry and looking for a reason!
358. MARRIAGE  18
359. On her birthday and our anniversary, I also want to share on FB that my wife is best wife in the world.
360. But I need some ex~perience to make such an announcement.
361. So for that, more wives are needed otherwise it would be hollow statement bereft of facts!
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364. Marry someone you want to annoy for the rest of your life!
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366. Hubby: The bank has returned that check you gave to the jeweller.
367. Wife: Isn't th~at splendid! What can we buy with it this time?
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369. Wife: I' m going up-town this afternoon.
370. Hubby: Shopping?
371. Wife: No, I won't have time. I just want to get some things I need!
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373. For my wife's birthday, I bought her a small bottle of exclusive perfume called 'Ample'.
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381. I just hope she doesn't notice where I scraped off the 'S'!
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383. "You compla~in that you have had to support your wife's family?" the court questioned the man seeking a divorce.
384. "Yes, your honor."
385. "How much of a family has she?"
386. "Four children, y~our honor."
387. "Who is their father?"
388. "I am, your honor!"
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390. Wife: It says the man was shot by his wife at close range.
391. Husband: Then there~ must have been powder marks on the body.
392. Wife: Yes; that's why she shot him!
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394. A husband is so~meone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression... he just cleaned the whole house!
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396. Doctor: I would advise you, Madam, to take frequent baths, plenty of fresh air and dress in cool gowns.
397. Husband (an hour l~ater): What did the doctor say?
398. Wife: He said I ought to go to the Bahamas; and afterwards to the mountains and to buy some new light gowns at once!