Love Questions Quotes things Now 2017

1. ➔What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?Polaroids. 
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4. ➔What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?An offer you can't understand➩➩
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7. ➤➤Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
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11. ➤Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
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15. ➤What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. 
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19. ➤What you call dog with no legs?Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come. - 
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23. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' - 
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27. You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark? 
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30. It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are? 
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34. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? 
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37. ➤Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith -  
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41. What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
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45. ➤How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
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49. ➤When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver.
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53. ⟴Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red! 
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57. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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61. You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths. - 
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65. What's the best excuse to ask the girl you like for her photo? Tell her you're collecting all the Pokemon's.
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69. ➤What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump➽➽
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73. How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone. 
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76. ➤Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. 
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79. Is it good if a blow dryer blows?
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82. You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams. 
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85. When is yelling during a robbery a bad idea? When you have gold teeth. - 
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89. According to Archimedes' principle, what happens when you jump in a bathtub full of water? Answer: The phone rings.
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92. If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.
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95. How does a doctor feel when he loses a patient in the emergency room? The same way a child feels when he drops his ice cream. 
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98. What does a blonde ask her blonde friend who just did a pregnancy test? Were the questions hard? Did you pass?
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101. What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute! 
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104. Why did the blonde send a blank letter to her husband in the army? They had a fight before he left and they're not talking. 
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107. ➤Why did the blonde take two stones to bed? One to hit the light switch and turn the light off and the o➮ther to check if the window is closed. 
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110. ➤Why does the bad piano player refuse to play when you offer him $100 to play? The neighbour already gave him $200 to stop playing.
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113. ➤What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another ➽➽hole to drain the water.
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116. How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff. How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf. How does the confused dog bark?  
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119. What's the difference between an electric locomotive and a steam one? The electric locomotive stopped smoking. 
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122. What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes. - 
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126. ➽Is the chemical aftertaste the reason why people eat hot dogs, or is it some kind of bonus? - 
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130. Is it hot in here, or is it just the fireplace
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134. ➽Think about it for a second: You are what you eat, so do you really want to eat junk food? - 
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138. Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around. - 
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142. Could you please be as silent as the G in lasagna?
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145. ➲Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia. 
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149. Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework. 
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152. Why do dentists use more anesthetic for longer procedures? So you won't be able to run away when it's time to pay the bill. 
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156. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?
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159. How do you make your cell phone smarter? Turn up the brightness. 
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162. ➲Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 
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165. Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me? 
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167. ➧What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out. 
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170. Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it?
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172. ➲I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler 
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175. Isn't it funny that the number 2 pencil is the most popular? 
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177. Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? - 
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181. How does a train eat? Chew, Chew.
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183. What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don't look, I'm changing. 
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186. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket.
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190. ➲Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go ➲out' 
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193. ➯What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies. 
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196. ➲➲If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand. 
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199. ➲What's the best thing about living in Switzerland? The flag is a big plus
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202. I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that -